i'm sorry for being selfish and angry... i keep forgeting...

haiz... i really waanted to make the slumber party and dinner work...
i was frustrated that no matter how i arranged it... it didnt seem to fall into place..
i'm sorry my gal friends.. for getting mad at you all..
i think i've got to get it into my thick skull that you all have other comitments...

anywae.. about that night..
so far its only sx coming for dinner.. n if that is the case... then i think i better cncell it.. sorry sx..
i'll meet you all back at my place at 1..
please do not come back earlier cause i will be out of the house...
everything else should be as planned

wait.. i got a better idea..
really...
i'll go write it in the other blog...

i dun noe wat to sae

seems like the only time i write a decent blog is when i'm emotional...
glad that is over...

news!!
i found a job..
didnt really need to look..
i've got great friends..

well the pay doesnt sound fantastic..
but i'm really looking forward to it...

i bet i'll be a nervous wreck on the first day..
can totally imagine...

if the are gary's friends..
then they must be pretty fun...

i guess i have to start somewhere..

bet god is giving me little signs..

like today..
my sisters n i jus did a puzzle..
u noe..
one of those inspirational ones..it says:
'every obstacle is a stepping stone to sucess'
i think its so true here..

it shall be my inspiration while i do that job...
i'm going there for the experience..

my gals...!

can we usher in the new year together..?!
we'll be able to have the entire house to ourselves..
my family will be going o'er to a realtive's to celebrate...

we can sleep in.. then walk late to go catch
mona lisa's smile
kk...?

fel.. jus aask ur dad if you can stay..?
i guess its ok if you cant...
but jus wish you could...
but you'll meet us for the movie again rite..?

Merry Christmas

wishing you all the beauty that is christmas

haha

it seems i always write blogs in pairs...
dunno.. its quite funny...

played squash yesterday..
fel not too bad a teacher..
and it quite fun!!!
i'll like to think that i'm pretty good at it...
haha...

then spent the rest of the day at fel's place watching taken..
its sooo good...
become a couch potato.. haha
wahaha...
wat a bummer...
me that is..
but it was a superb show..
cant wait to watch the last episode...!!!

hope

i hope to look back on this memory and say that i did good...
while watching oprah..
i learnt a valuable lesson today
from a mother of a drunk driver...
she said that if there was one thing she could have done differently..
that could have changed things..
was that she was not only strict to her son..
but also be a friend...
that she should not have been so intimidating when telling him drinking was disallowed..
instead told him..
that if he were in such a situation..
being drunk that is...
that he was giving the option to call her instead..
that she would have told him that
she would judge..
jus go to her..
she's jus a call away..
for help

i hope.. if ever i do become a parent.. that i'll never forget this lesson..

to give roots... and give wings..

oh.. oh.. dun bother.. CENTRO suxs...

yea.. went with esther to centro yesterdae...
guess i expected more..
but the music realli sucked..
everyone warned me..
but promised esther i'll accompany her...
well her friends are ok i guess..
she doesnt noe them that well herself...
but there were others there that i knew too..
ariel said that oliver n gang was there..
i met shannon outside..
thanks to him we were able to jump queue.. thank goodness..
would have died waiting in the queue..
it snaked so far back...
the only hip hop song of the nite was "in the zone"
bleah..
*yawn*
i missed the pagent..
cos esther was held back in church..
but thats ok...
stuff like that happen
honestly the party was quite boring
but it was good to let loose n dance...
with not a care..
my parents were real worried..
stayed up waiting for me..
feel really bad..
they shouldnt have..

like i said dun think i'll be going there anytime soon...
its sucks...

return of the king

as you have probably figured..
i jus came back from the movie...
its a real good show..
epic story..
great directing..
great videography..
great actors.. n actresses..
great effects..!
but the no. one thing going through my mind as i watched that show
was probably..
"what has ever been achieved through war"
think i shall go ask the experts..
but yea...
as i watched those battle scenes..
though i'm awestruck
i jus wondered..
how pointless the cause..
and how we take forgranted the gift of life..
ain't it suppose to be cherished..
hmm..
i wonder...

christmas is coming..

its in a couple of days and i havent even started making or buying prezzies...
oh dear.. oh dear..
plus i got no $$
need to rack my brain to think what i can do for my friends for christmas...
think.. think.. think..

oh i should make a list..
okie will go do it now...

funny how...

i managed to stay single for so long...
seriously..
i think the easiest way to get out of a situation is to get attached..
i mean when it concerns guys lah..
but who wants to be a chicken and take the easy way out

i sometimes wish i could.. haha..
and its really funny..
maybe its jus me
or i'm real paranoid.. again...
but somehow everyone seems to get the wrong impression of me

ppl who meet me for the first time never believe that i've never had a boyfriend
and friends that known me for sometime.. well they just think think that i've been in one too many bad relationships.. therefore dun date..
and there are those who jus think i'm too tomboy.. they noe who they are..
n even after growing my long hair back... i'm still not girlie enough...
others are even funnier.. they take it that i'm dating whoever i'm hanging out with...
i guess many ppl do that.. sometimes even i do..
well there's worst.. bombastic..
sae i'm closet lesbian.. haha..
they can go sae what they want..

i'm sick n tired of playing games..
meeting guys..
only to find out that
they've got intentions to being ur friend
try to be friendly..
they take it as leading them on..
n its jus painful for me to be nasty..
aniwae.. who likes rejecting ppl...
though it might be better than being rejected...

fel.. if ur reading this.. pls stop keeping me in the dark..
i really want to noe wat u noe..

(added later)
ok.. thanks for shedding light..
u were right i knew it all along

dubliners... the Irish pub

went out yesterday with
Daryl,Ariel,Wenai,Stacey
think now that we have no more time constrains..
we are really starting to bum..
had a real problem yesterday deciding where to go..

ended up at dubliners..
(thats after lunch n pool)
promise dennis i'll not drink but..
tried stout..
didnt like..

then hitched a ride with mom nd dad..
who were in town shopping..

sheesh...

was planning to blog yesterday..
but ended up the silly blogger was down...

hey ever wondered why..
the reviews always say that love actually
is a movie with 10 stories roll into one
but no matter how you count
there always seems to be short...
haha.
thats cos we've been watching some edited version...

my family watched it yesterdy..
without me
cos i watched it
n gave good reviews..
so while watching it they
srceamed for me to come upstairs..
n u noe practicaly scolded me cos
there was a bloody R.A show in between..
like it is my fault... bleah...

wat i've been up too...

well.. i've been in penang for a week.. well almost.. thot u might like to noe wat on earth i did there...

day 1
nothing much really..
started off early at 5.30am..
drove .. drove.. drove..
until 4.. that when we reached..
paradise cove...
not exactly paradise i might add...

my contact with the beach was minimal..
lets see if i'm smart enough to load pictures...

day 2
went to visit a buddist temple
quite awesome..
fun too... i tried sea coconut..
which i thought came from the sea.. haha..
had dim sum
went SHOPPiNG..
bummed till 9
then went to gurney to eat..
(the penang equivalent to newton circus)

day 3
went to an even bigger temple..
it even has m'sia only uphill lift..
makes me wonder why they're still fund raising..
(like a temple really needs that)
ate at comta..
really dingy shopping mall...
after that went shopping..
n u wont believe it..
but i bumped into yihou..
now how cool is that...
someone i noe..?!

day 4
went on a trip to the north side of the island..
started off late..
cos everyone was feeling like pigs..
went to a adidas sale..
50% off..
beat that..!!
zhen was chanting
"one sales that we didnt get riped off"
to 'the ship' of lunch..
there are so many funny things bout that place..
to a nutmeg farm..
then sat on the beach..
while my mom relived her childhood at the spice garden..
dinner at " the end of the world"
btw.. thats the real name of the place

day 5
we WERE planning to bum...
but by lunch got dragged out to go bowling..
n ended the day with karaoke!!
unleashed! muahaha...
then packed..

day 6
couldnt wait to get home..
thank god we cancelled the K.L leg of the trip..
got in the car at 9.30
n didnt get into the house until 10.30
traffic was not too bad..
just.. i think my butt is tramatised..
yup!!
my holidae..!

misunderstood?!

a testimonial for me..
why thank you..
i'm real flattered..
never really thought of myself that way...

but as i read on
n i looked closer..
i wondered..
ponered..
does he really noe me..
guess there is more than one side to each person
n i only let him see one side..
ppl like sean will beg to differ..
that is if he read it..
haha..
but thats jus sean.
*gRinZ*

to be honest.. i dun think
that i'm all that nice
i do flare up..
jus not often
only when necessary..
if not jus keep it to myself
no use upsetting other ppl
when ur emotional..
cos you sae things
at the spur of the moment
without really meaning it

i dun want to regret..

hehe...

didnt need the incase afterall... not like i wanted anything to happen to me or what... jus that well.. i didnt need to use it.. nonetheless.. i hope all my dear friends read it... jus to let you noe how i feel.... if u didnt nope already...

hey peeps!!! i'm home... phew... finally...

hey guys.. i'm home..
great holiday... not the best...
but GREAT!

dun think i've sat in the car for so long in my life
haha..
9 hours.. in a dae... beat that!!

i miss everyone...!!
but no one to go out with todae..
thats ok..
i realised i need to pack my room aniwae..

In CASE...

one can never be too sure wats going to happen tomorrow.. so this is jus something that i hope it will never come to...

to all the darls which i love dearly.. fel, ber, mandy,pj,sx,chang,von,rose..
the best years of my life were spent with u all doing silly things
memories that i would never replace for the world..
bridge on the brdge.. cycling.. prata.. retreats.. mr tan's cakthey e.. walking to lao pasa.. the code.. eating at pizza hut...
recalling those times..they never fail to bring a smile...

esp to fel.. ur a guiding light.. dun noe where i'll be without you..
you have helped me in more ways than you can imagine..you helped shape my personality.. if you think about it i was a very different person 2 years ago..

dennnis.. ge.. i noe ur in camp.. thanks for jus listening to all my crap..
your super nice to be around.. honestly its also nice to talk to a guy n noe that the guy has no intentions when speaking to you..
i think my phone bill it gonna sky rocket this month.. but who care..
i promise to take care of myself.. haha.. jus as long as you listen to ur heart..
n take a leap of faith..
you never noe where you'll end up..!

ariel.. i noe in some ways i should put you first.. n in others i shouldnt put ur name at all.. but that aside.. ur a great friend.. n i cannot ignore that.. in comparison to my darls.. i've only known ya a while.. but there are times when we were inseparble.. guess thats how they got the wrong impression.. n sparked of everything.. but i've learnt that you cant play with affairs of the heart... but its just to late.. and we cant go back.. i'm sorry.. thank you for always being my pillar of strength.. for believeing in me when i had little faith.. n for always trying to motivate me to do better.. ur patience with me is comendable.. i admire ur selflessness. but pls dun make it a habit to please everyone..

SW.. student welfare.. i love you all.. no doubt it has been rocky.. n honestly i wish we could do more.. i think we did a pretty darn good job for o1..
the fondest memory.. haha.. must be the SNAILS... wahaha.. oh oh.. n the matching golf club.. remeber the baby blue pink n yellow ones.. we said we'll get them whe we became tai tais..
think the powerpuff dept was swell.. managed so much better with out those BOYS.!!!
Shing i hope we can keep in touch.. its not too much to ask.. isit..?
minsi...ur such a sweetheart.. my wish for you is that you find love n live happily everafter...
cheryl.. everyone can tell that ur gonna climb the coporate ladder.. i'll see ya at the top..!
michelle.. i love ur energy.. actually i'm real jealous of you.. you're not afraidd of wat ppl think.. n known wat you wan.. n i want so much to be like you...
candice..!! cutie..! always acting cute.. though she never hangs around long.. she's always making us laf... ur a great gal...

did i miss anione..
to the 28th.. remember the pact.. 11 july.. 2013...1..

29th.. esp steph.. twin..such sweetheart..
i hope ur warmth.. steph.. ii remember the first time we met.. i thot u lookes like qorrine.. ur always so bubbly.. n i love ur hugs... ur like a little sister... u take care of urself..
twin...!! i'm gonna miss you... i think we really do look alike.. more than ou n ur bro... you never noe.. maybe i was adopted.. maybe.. ps* ur bro looks funny when he shakes his booty.. haha... ur super outgoing.. n i admire ur gutsiness.. i could never be that frank..

to all those that i have not mentioed.. i love you all.. its late n my dad is hint
ing for me to get off the com...

ppl like lynn.. i might not agree with the path you've chosen for urself but i'll support you..
nic.. i noe we've been friends long.. but quantity not equals quality.. sometimes i dun noe ur intentions.. feel that u have this ulterior motive to bring me down.. i'm jus being paranoid... but ur my friend all the same.. ur caring n u go all way out to help others in need... still remember that time i stayed over... i finished that puzzle ur mom was working on.. or ur burfdae.. n bryan n me ganged up to get u drenched.. haha...

i live for todae..
i love you guys..

gone

on vacation
12th-17th DEC
dun miss me

i shoudnt

was angry,
then confuse,
now just sad...
i think wadever
i'm worried over
no longer makes sense
and it not worth the torment

i want so much to let it blow over
or simply not care
i'm trying
but i just cant

watever it is
i'm tired
of trying to
figure out
internalise
so i'm jus
going to bury myself alive
close my eyes
hope that when
i return
all things are at peace

loneliness

i may not want you
love you no more
but i want you back
it's better than this emptiness

i longed for quiet time
my wish has been granted
i trying to relish this moment
but now i would kill to have
some movement
to break this silence
feels as if i am frozen in time

the air has been still since you left
the house though unchanged
has lost its warmth
odd foreign lifeless
but was never alive in the first place

could it be that my life is
meaningless without you

the rhythmic sound of my broken faucet
once annoying
now my only source of comfort

everyone seems so distant
friends so far away
out of grasp
leaving me vulnerable to my inner storm
you left without me saying my peace

if i should die tomorrow
wont go with ease
cos too many words
were left unsaid
yet
as i force myself
holding back tears
to pen them
words too few
too insignificant
all caught up in emotion
unable to be freed
freed from all logic
thats what love can do

*jump down* by: b*witched

geesh.. i wish.. wahaha...
bobbing to the lovely song..
contradicts how i feel now...
nice song nonetheless..
haha.. maybe i'm trying to bluf myself..
but thats ok.. i'm feeling much better..

ur so faar away..
my mind is jus wondering..
did i give you a chance to explain ur side..
you were never one who gave any..

wish i could change my mood at a flip of a swith..
i'm sure i'll be filthy rich if i could do that
y do i care so much..
i jus shouldnt .. rite..
yeah.. maybe..

i told someone yesterdae.. not to live i regret..
do i regret anything..
at least anything i said to you..
nah..
my conscience is clear..
u take care..

hmm...

wat am i suppose to do now that ur really gone...
i feel rather hypocritical still being ur friend..
but i dun want to lose the friendship we have..
or at least whatever we have left
we have been through so much together..
i dun want to fight over the inevitable
growing apart..
it happens..
especially since we're out of school..
i dun have oppotunities to see you..
actually the feelings have been gone long ago..
i jus didnt noe how to tell you..
plus it was fuelled by speculation
even by my bestest of friends..
i dun blame them..
i cant..
i promised to be brutally honest..
but i wasnt..
i didnt want to hurt ur feelings..
apparently that was inevitable too...

to you... i noe u noe who you are..

i read the msg.. n i'm feeling worst then ever.. i guess i was feeling really emotional that dae.. n i said stuff that i didnt really mean.. sorry.. i was mad that you could doubt our friendship.. but hell.. guess i was being childish as well.. i dun noe wat i'm feeling rite now.. its all kinda a blurr.. on top of that everyone seems to be far away.. i'll meet you.. we'll talk.. but honestly there's nothing much to be said.. dun noe wat ur freting over.. there is nothin left the say..

jus when i need you most

it is strange how stupid things like blogger never seem to work when your really feeling down in the dumps.. really sucks.. well i jus slept on it n buried myself in a book.. but it bad to supress feeling.. bleah.. how cares rite.. they are so much easier to handle that way..

"Have You Ever" Sclub7

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over
Knowing there's so much more to say
Suddenly the moment's gone
And all your dreams are upside down
And you just wanna change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together
Back in your arms where I belong
Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found
I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry
Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go

I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels
To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see
Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow
Wishing I could change the way the world goes round

Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody
Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)
Can't you see, (ohhh) that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby
Have you ever felt your heart was breaking
Lookin down the road you should be taking
I should know, (I should know) cos I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let
Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go

slumber party...

they are all over at my place.. having loads of fun.. not much juicy news to go round so decided to come up to blog.. its really cute how the atmosphere changes when the sun goes down.. its cute.. cant quite put my finger on it.. true bonds clearly show.. its good to noe that i have friends who care.. share.. listen.. i think i offen take that for granted..

well its all good... we're having a blast..

"Deep Down" by:C21

Drifting in a tide of emotion my state of minds
got me spinning round upside down
I'm tumbling to the ground ahh yeah
and everytime I call you up to communicate my feelings
you just back me out scream and shout
now your out of control ahh yeah

Ain't crazy ain't strange
how our lifes are rearranged
things will never be the same again no

Deep down can you hear what I'm saying
I found that there's another waying
right now can you hear what I'm saying
deep down deep down
deep down there's a word that describes it
somehow I guess I'll never find it
deep down deep down

Guess I'll just ponder on my thought's
just like the night before
all the love we use to share
it's killing me that you don't care ahh yeah
it's gonna be a long road with twists and turns, lessons learnt, bridges burnt
I guess it's just the way it goes ahh yeah

Ain't crazy ain't strange
how our lifes are rearranged
things will never be the same again no

Deep down can you hear what I'm saying
I found that there's another way(ing)
right now can you hear what I'm saying
deep down deep down
deep down there's a word that describes it
somehow I guess I'll never find it
deep down deep down

Deep down deep deep down
deep down there's a word that describes it
somehow I guess I'll never find it
deep down deep down
deep down deep deep down

Deep down there's a word that describes it
somehow I guess I'll never find it
deep down deep down deep deep down

SATS

So
Annoying
Test
Siah

glad its over n done...
managed the crash course book in 2 days..
not to bad
*PAT PAT* for ME!
the math was surprisingly easy..
noting the fact that i forgot to grap my calculator when rushing out of the house...
had woken up late.. bleah..
nm all my gp skills i think has been given back to Ms. yong..
i think she would be heartbroken to find that out..
but yea..
its over...
oh yea.. its such a pain in the butt..
literally...
waited so long.. you can ask anhong ariel n sean...

i dun owe you a thing..

yea i dun.. but there are times when i feel real guilty.. n i hate myself fot it... we're not like before.. and have definately grown apart.. well at least i have... there are jus some things you have to accept.. i noe the truth it painful.. but here it is.. i dun noe why i fell for you.. i think ur jus plain childish... i still wanna be ur friend... but it can never be like how it was.. go on.. go live in ur little world.. so afraid of commitment.. go on.. keep worry bout it.. after all thats all you do.. it not going to change the situation.. n more importantly how i feel..

i know ur shocked at the sudden realisation that you are no longer my confidant.. but its true... you linger on every word i sae.. even on those i have long forgotten.. i'm not ur any more.. so stop treating me like i am.. i can hangout with who i want.. and your not obligated to look out for me..

there's something i never told anyone.. because i felt no one could or would understand... that nite.. the one that i would rather forget.. the reason why i let go.. let my guard down.. was cos i was depressed... cos of ur decision.. fine.. so i drank till the pain was numbed.. my pain was alleviated for that brief moment..and in turn caused our paths to change forever.. i'm sorry it had to turn out such..

priorities...

i wonder if i've got them rite.. if its suppose to be this way but i can't seem to understand why others seem so different.. was it them.. or is it me?.. what was once so strong seems to have *poofed*.. gone out the window.. i'm sorry to them.. they are missing out.. we made an effort.. can't say that you did...

hopeless romantic..

soft kiss..
a soothing caress..
only figments of what could have been but is not meant to be..
they sae be patient..
good things come to all who wait..

i know you've watched from the sidelines..
suffering silently...
ur heart skips a beat each time she brushes pass you in the corridor..
you feel its worth the pain
and yet..
you cant rid the urge of wanting..
to tell her how much you feel

she doesnt even notice you
as you watch her every gesture..
you're disillusioned..
mesmerised..
by her smile..
the way she plays with her hair..

face it..
she's is not the one..
she will never be yours..
you know it..
admit it already..

for now the only comfort is..
there is someone made for you..
completes you..
she's out there..

and with her you can spend..
cold nights in warm embrace..
whispering sweet nothings..
blissfully..
sharing a lifetime..

there ain't anything wrong with me.. n i'm not in love...

why do you speculate
that thot shouldnt even exist
get loss who asked for ur opinion
i can handle it
or can i?
it's my life afterall..
there's nothing going on..
i tell you
NOTHING
stop it n go away already

Scandalous!!

everyone was so dolled up yesterdae.. soo pretty...!! took so many pictures...*grinz* but the actual din was a flop.. not fun at all...nothing very memorable... i'm jus gonna miss all my friends...

aniwae thank goodness that this kinda thing only happens very rarely.. if not i think i'm gonna get slaughtered by my mom.. cos i spent so much money.. especially on my hair...

okok.. back to the main topic.. i think that room hopping is damn fun... i get to hang out with different ppl... but haiz.. you noe sometimes ppl jus jump to conclusions... its irritating that ppl cant have friends of different gender without ppl thinking that they are romantically attached.. its so stupid.. maybe i'm jus paranoid of what other ppl think.. but nontheless.. this is not the first time it happened.. it happens ALL the time.. somehow everyone gets that impression when i hang out with people.. strangely i only hang out with guys.. the only gals i clique with is my IJ clique.. they're the greatest.. somehow.. no others can beat them..!!

maybe its jus me..

Emptiness

I sit beside you
Your hand in mine
I looked into your eyes
You stared into mine.

Now were together
Like two peas in a pod
I'm with you
And you're with me...

Side by side we wandered through the night
We hugged, we kissed like lovers do
Echoing the vows we've made...
Forever we'll stay together
And together we are one.

Sunrise came I awoke to find you're gone
I realized then you were only
In my dreams...
Only in my dreams...

Oh, how can this be?
When you were so real?
So I lie awake and await
For darkness to engulf me once more
Then I can be in your arms again...


by:MDK

tired...

for those of you whu dun noe.. i've been up n about recently... i'm jus pooped... i think the last week has been an endless party.. i really looking forward to a good nite rest... haiz..

chinablack was pretty.. nice ambiance.. but i cant sae much for the DJ... everyone had fun nontheless.. surprisingly including me.. i hope i can get down to clubbing sometime soon.. its so much fun..!(its a good workout too!)

but i dun haf anione to go with... *sobs*... nvm.. i'll think of something...
i was actually quite surprised that i enjoyed dancing... haha.. n also that ppl who i thot weren't the least bit interested in this sort of thing actually left quite late..

my feet are hurting.. i have countless blisters on my feet.. not including those i got over the weekend.. bleah.... saw lots of ppl... but kinda felt that everyone had to take a second before they firgured who i was.. well.. haiz...

well i finally settled on a gown for grad nite.. jus bought it todae.. yea i noe.. cutting it a BIT thin.. but wat to do.. n for those who dunnoe wat it is... ur jus gonna be surprised... dun worry is nothing very showy.. yeah..