Latif

she just wanted to be friends
but he wouldnt let
that too is not caste in stone
i guess she knew deep down
it couldnt
so she put up walls
to prepare for hurt
so today just like many times before
she waited anxiously
an hour, missed calls
tears, wasted tears

i fucking hurt you bastard don't you understand. I want to help you but you wouldnt let me in. Is that my fault? cos it sure in hell feels like it. I've shed tears over you, this person who i barely even know. You treat me like dirt, and thats how I feel.. I'm worthless not only to you but to the people around me. Because any effort I put in is laughed at and ridiculed. I'm taunted and slammed. Its like wanting something great for you, but you have no such dream. So why the hell do I put this effort for.

She cries as she type this
praying that one day you would understand
but she can only hope
that he finds himself
because only he can pick up the pieces
only he can say the words that matter
this year has been a total waste.

sitting at the beach was the best...
thanks for everything you've given me
and for giving me the security to stand on my own 2 feet.
for loving me for me

you wouldnt believe how much i've learnt about self-worth
never would i hae thought that I could last in this relationship
you've eased my anxiety and fears
from baby steps till today..

going on 21

Thanks guys for coming down to celebrate by adulthood with me...
I'll let you in on a secret...
for my 21th birthday my sister took it upon herself to get me a gift..
so when we came back from dinner i was eager to find out what she left for me on my bed to find. So after much fighting to get upstairs.. I opened the doors to my room to find it filled with balloons!!!

so for the last 2 days i've been sleeping in a sea of BALOONS!!! yeah!

on a more serious note..
turning 21 has been more anti-climatic than expected, not like turning 20.. turning 20 for me was an identity crisis, a fear that i could no longer be goofy and dress in jeans n flip flops. Looking at those rowdy 18 year old, i realise I've mellowed. I guess it comes with the title "adult". it hasnt quite sunk in yet, but I quite like 21 and i'm looking forward to a year of new experiences and empowerment.

thats what she gets

when life throws you a curve ball, I figure its my fault. my Living is a path of twist and turn, I'm fatigued, limp, contented, blessed, pleased, frustrated all at once. Its good to be mortal, to feel wind kissing my fingertips, the hot chocolate blister my tongue. I'm glad to be whole, to be safe, to be home.

the whole week leading up today has been so peckled with highs and lows. Thanks you for the lows so that i appreciate the highs. I offer it all up to you lord.

yesterday marked my worst essay ever, my postponed presentation.. but also my 1st birthday cake of the year.. it didnt end that badly.. just hope that i pass that essay after all its 30% of my grade.. what a woozie..

all i wanted yesterday was to spend some time with drew.. poor chap i woke him up in the middle of his nap, felt so guilty, sorry baby. So while i was sleeping he doing his 24km route march again.. I hope its the last one.

But that was yesterday

Today is a breath of fresh air, it my FREE day!! just perfect to catch up on all my deadlines that are not dead yet and the reading that are so innocently staring at me right now.. NOT!!! i wanna have fun.. I wanna.. i wanna.. but to my utter disappoinment.. my work has to go on...

All is not lost.. I still have tomorrow!!!

which bring me to some wise words frommy 12 year old sister...

she claims that mommy makes her study so that she can have "fun" after the CA, after the exam... but there always seem to be the.. next exam, next CA to study for... " this is not fair"... I never really get any fun.

haha.. so do I, as we all...

that bitch

i hate doing group projects specially when the other member dont bother to put in as much as you do. I've got a bloddy mid term paper tmr.. mind you itson class n inequality.. n i'm cramming... in between i've still got to deal with that bitch who keeps wanting to change the slides info.. arrangement... if your so big on it.. y didn't you do your slides properly in the first fucking place.. I had to design your slide for you.., is that fucking fair.. everyone doesnt have time to hear me rant.. so i hope you do...

I really want to do well for tmr test.. i'm on the verge of a breakdown n here is one of those aLtEraNaTiNg CaPs girls screwing with my head.. She has changed my title from medical virtual reality.. to Virtual reality- what is it good for?
minding you that itts a product that is designed to help anxiety patient... You want Anxiety.. I'll give you a full on PANIC ATTACK... i've spent at least 10 hours on the fucking slides.. n i she keeps critiquing my work.. fucking get it done your way then... We can have it in pink with cutie animations and hello kitty pictures.. i'm sure you'll like that...

i'm having a mental block when it comes to my ineqalities mid terms... maybe its cos of this project...

by the way i'm just getting started...

there is this other dude in the project.. one of those.. talk big but if you think about it... he has done NOTHING but talk big... his best contribution was that he knows a friend who knows a friend who works at a porn studio who knows of this technology that can stimulate your partners dick over the internet... FUCK YOU!

no need to say i'm giving a 10/20 for his peer review... why wont i fail him?? well at least the fucker contributes...

I guess you guys probably are not use my crudeness.. but wtf... i'm pissed off...