nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.


I somehow feel that I have grown so much in the last couple of months. I know what I want, I feel comfortable, comfortable in my own skin.

Of course, it doesn't exempt me from the occasional miss. This year has been full of surprises. Work has been good and now that it has wound down, diving and my studying has picked up. The problems don't seem so big. Anyway they aren't my problems to bear.

I think there is one more lesson to learn, to speak my mind and stick to my guns.

Meeting this new group of people, especially with fel there gives me this sense that there are people out there that share similar interest. More an more so, I felt that weren't. Glad to be proved wrong.

my magic suitcase.

I wasn't planning to go on a trip, though sad I thought maybe June isn't that far away. Bali will be here before I know it.

Well, as luck would have it, I would pack my room and pack away the suitcase in the attic. And not 2 weeks from packing away this beloved Trunkie, I would be off on another adventure.

Last time after Indonesia, Malaysia and Japan in quick succession, I left my luggage by my door hoping that I would get to use it soon. Then for 2 months.. nothing.. then it got backed away and within a week I was off to KL. I just put it back upstairs as I left for the weekend diving with Fel no less. Didn't need Trunkie as I was just gone the weekend.

But as luck would have it, in a strew of events, I am heading to India for 11 days.

And when I get home I am going to quickly put Trunkie in storage and pray for another little miracle.

With love,

Zhi

In many ways I see parallel, yet who can I not deny that you are unique. It is so hard to know that I probably don't know where you are coming from, though I so badly wish I do. Seeing you makes me feel that there are missing pieces that I had failed to pick up on. Seeing you makes me feel that maybe we could work this out.

and though I am, as I often do, feel skeptical. I think, quit thinking about what can't, but instead in what ifs. Like the past its hard to see you, feel you, and understand why you do not take whole of what is rightfully your. Time, opportunity, destiny. I seek to understand that.

In the meantime, I listen, I walk with.

Lionel say I put up with too much nonsense. And when you put up with cow you get cow dung.(that of course is my analogy) But you get the gist.

And I agree, man up, know what you want work hard and get it done.


I couldn't have been happier to hear from you when I got back
Hoping that you were holding up while I was gone
slowing becoming a fixture in my life.

It has easily been 5 years since I last dived. Why did I take so long? The fish, corals, wrecks, even the night dive all took my breath away.

To sweeten the deal was the company of a great friend. Thank you for singing Disney songs as we basked in the sunshine and sat with our feet dangling over the bow.

I never expected to make fast friends, something I thought I had long lost touch of.

I loved every moment on MV DiveRace. Yes, even the stomach churning, head throbbing first night where I so unglamorously puked as we bobbed through the night. The first dive after my 5 year hiatus where I couldn't /didn't equalise. Getting lost with my buddy as we did our navigation and got cuts from the coral and from slamming into the ladder as I clumsily lugged my tank and BCD from the choppy waters to the safety of the boat.

For each of those times there are memories that will stick in my mind forever. My first swim through, cliffs on either side, nooks and crannies teeming with fish and wildlife. The shoal of Barracudas that struck terror despite my tough exterior. The cute puffer fish and my scampering to see the shark.

Out of the water, the crew treated us well and I spend hours playing Monopoly deal, talking about life. All this framed by the vast ocean, the starlit sky and the love of diving that permeated everyone.

My day is what I made of it. I held my book and leafed the pages another world of animals and a quaint town of Pondicherry. I have never made it through that book, maybe I was never meant to. That doesn't mean I won't stop trying. Maybe I won't like the ending, maybe it isn't interesting or you wouldn't like where it'll take you. These are my many thoughts.

It is so hard not to have anything I can say back. Its hard to want it to bloom so badly but have nothing to offer. Have an opinion, do not ever pretend you do not have one.

re-coloured the hash tags
faded the highlights
walked silently, promised
empty expectations, chemistry breathes heavy
it seems fine, dandy yet happy?
regrets well up, seasons pile
evidence mounts on the divides
knowing doesn't make it easier
hoping doesn't make it disappear
and expectation leads to breakdown.

If I had 1 day to live, how would I spend it.

I started my day with a crash! in a dash to find my Nalgene, I knocked over a brand new bottle of Vodka from the kitchen counter. I cried on the inside as I poured the remaining down the sink and cleared up the broken glass.

But my day took a turn, the sun was out as I left the driveway; There was no letting up. And though I was 20 minutes late my friends greeted me with smiles and a hearty breakfast.

The beach was bustling but not busy and I had a blast not because I brought everything I needed, but because I was with people who cared. My ball leaked air, there were jellyfish in the water, we had to squeezed to all fit on our sarongs. And through it all, I cherish every fun-filled, tranquil, greedy, quiet, hot moment.

Lynn brought up a good point, why has it taken so long for us to all come to the beach together. I don't know. But we are going to do it again and soon.