tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61358452024-03-19T11:53:08.737+08:00 expectations.. disappointment.. breakdown..they never say a word.. yet there is this pressure for you to conform.. but tell me? why should you.. its utter nonsense.. don't listen.. not buy into it...pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.comBlogger801125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-54567983470197622662014-01-16T10:46:00.001+08:002014-01-16T10:46:11.987+08:00Goood Morning!
I woke up a little earlier to prepare my salsa for the days ahead but that took way longer than I expected.
Edwin was down promptly at 8:50 and we made our breakfast together.
For him
Egg White Omelette with granted cheese and smoked salmon
with Vitamin water
For her
Double Sunny side up eggs with cheese with sides of smoked salmon and salsa.
With Lemon infused water
We have decided to get some work done in the morning and head to the rock wall in the afternoon.
Lunch will be
Agllio Olio Vegeroni with bacon bits and button mushrooms in balsamic vinegar reduction.
xoxo,
Trina
pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-56991546058535571382014-01-15T22:18:00.000+08:002014-01-15T22:18:08.737+08:00Day 1
Edwin and I, I think mostly cajoled by me, are starting on a no junk food eat clean diet.
So there will be no fast food/ junk food for the next 2 weeks. And if we can help it we are going to eat in, drink buckets of green tea and lemon water.
On the Menu - Friday (17 Jan)
Mushroom in buttered broth
Honey glazed wings
Miso soup/chicken broth
Omelette
Brown rice
Meal Choices
1.Pan-seared chicken with cauliflower mash
2. Aglio Olio pasta with mushrooms and smoked salmon
3.Garlic vermicelli with shredded chicken and Chawamushi
4. Five grain rice with chicken cutlet, Salmon Sashimi and Miso Soup with a side of Edamame
5. Tomato sauce pasta with poached salmon chunks
This eat clean diet is going to last 2 weeks from now 15 Jan - 29 Jan.
Only juice/smoothies, green tea, lemon water, soyabean milk and barley.
The hardest challenge is only eating from 8am - 8pm.
Food Journal
Lunch 15 Jan
Sliced fish soup with homemade noodles
Sticky chewy chocolate (Edwin's last cheat before we truly start)
Tea
Green Tea with a lemon slice
Dinner
Pork soup with bean sprouts
Pan fried Toufu
Spinach Greens
Ikan Bilis
After dinner I even made my own chicken stock to help flavour our food that we are cooking these two weeks. I much rather do this so I know what's in the food. Sometimes I don't know if I can trust what is written on the labels.
One down 13 more days to go.
pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-81304411859822664892013-10-27T13:33:00.000+08:002013-10-27T13:33:32.319+08:00i have a lot of anxiety today.
but it is sunday and I should be heading out to the beach. My toe throbs with pain. Suck it up.
there is so much to do and I think that the anxiety is from doing every half past and not all the way. So I am going to the beach today and giving it all I got. Worst is I'll get laughed at, but I laugh at myself to. I am going to come back and play the guitar plan thoroughly for next weeks and for the accounts that I am involved it I have 6 months to prove myself and make it count!
you can!
be confident and love life everyday.
pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-15151201485776144442013-08-11T02:16:00.000+08:002013-08-11T02:16:10.566+08:00
I have chosen today to be the start of a new beginning.
I am just back from my vacation. Ready to start my journey as an entrepreneur. Ready to earn my own keep.
With that I have 3 goals for myself
To make Project Mares the number one water sports and water events company in Singapore in 2 years. To earn $100k per year and to get 10 events completed by the end of 2013.
on a personal note
I plan for the second half of 2013 to become fluent in mandarin. become so flexible I can do a standing 180degrees centre spilt and a backwalk on the balance beam.
I want to invest in 5 stocks/etfs and have a firm grasp on finance.
I will learn to be tech savvy at Excel, Pages, Keynote, Prezzi and also learn computing languages.
How am I going to accomplish this.
I am going to work on PM 8 hours a day /five days a week
dedicate 1 hour to exercise daily.
join BNI champions
replace TV with Coursera
Rockclimb with Edwin/conditioning and flexibility training in the morning/gym?/ballet?/lyrical dance
meditate at night (set up a candle/scent corner)
read prolifically
will keep it up and update you constantly :)
pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-64475212511149301582013-01-02T00:23:00.001+08:002013-01-02T00:23:32.501+08:00its 2013.
time to look forward
i am excited to take what I have learnt, the fervour and determination and almost addictive quality I take on when I buckle down to get it done.
This year is meant for me to accomplish great things. I know it, and I am determined to make it happen.
It starts with everything.
Expect to win!pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-67594892576112106432012-10-06T18:13:00.001+08:002012-10-06T18:13:26.119+08:00This month is dedicated to doing only the things I really want to do, rather than just going with the flow.
Also I want to know what I like. I feel sometimes a little like the runaway bride, my opinions shift with the tides and the social pressures.
So this month is to solidify what is me!
Top 5 Favourite songs
Five for fighting - Something about you
Adele - Make you feel my love
David Guetta - Don't let me go
Sting - Always on your side
Sara Bareillis - Gravity
Top 5 Favourite Movies
Wicker Park
August Rush
Taken
Swordfish
League of extraordinary gentleman
5 Favourite Books
7 Daughters of Eve
Life of Pi
The time travellers wife
Outlier
Eat that frog
5 Places I'd like to travel to right now
France/Paris
Egypt/Pyramids
Kenya/Sarengeti
Norway/Aurora
Jordon/Petra
5 things I want to learn
Ballet on pointe
beach volleyball
pop piano
psychographics tool
complete dmt training
5 things I covet
Camera with Waterproof housing
a Condo, with a view, 2000sf
an Audi A4 in Black
Ronde Solo De Cartier Watch
5 things I cannot live without
my sunnies/ sunblock
Meagan McKindle
Nathaniel
my trustee water bottle
and ;p friend
If the world was ending tmr, any regrets?
I wouldn't change a thing.
I may have regrets, but I feel my life has been very full.
5 things I absolutely hate
when people don't live our their full potential
showing weakness
relinquishing control
cheesy, slapstick humour
people with no opinions of their own
5 things I adore
lego
pretty stationery
high heel shoes
books
dancing
if I could only have 1 drink for the rest of my life.. It would have to be a whiskey dry... ahh~
In another life, I would have been an archeologist, a broadway actor, a stock broker, a pirate.
My inspirations
321 contact
Felicia Lin
My Parents
IJ TP
Darius
Jiang
Greg.. I dont event remember his last name
If I could have a superpower, I wanna be just like Night Crawler. Telekinesis
If I could do anything right now to make myself "invincible", I would get a masters degree, find myself a new job that earns me double what I earn now.
Favourite "aminals"
owls
beluga
sloths
hedgehogs
Animals I wanna dive with
Humpback whale
Manatee
Seal
Whaleshark
pulau jellyfish lake
pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-32692725775741040542012-09-03T11:25:00.003+08:002012-09-03T11:32:27.563+08:00the happiness project.<br /><br />I think ever since received this book 2 years ago and reading it. I think my life has taken a corner.<br /><br />Picking up diving in a way I have never taken to anything else in my life with a fervor for depth and breath that creeps into every aspect of my life.<br /><br />I think there is a hint of regret that I had opportunities given to me in the past to pursue things of interest but stopped short in the dedication department. I vow never again.<br /><br />And it opens up the possibilities to so many things that I want to pursue. Sometimes I catch myself making excuses that I have no enough time. But 1 thing at a time. And I'd have all the time in the world :)<br /><br />pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-88538620056344549272012-09-03T11:13:00.001+08:002012-09-03T11:15:46.366+08:00today I've been woken bright and early to go swimming. never in my wildest dreams. It may only be 11am but I've done far more today.<br /><br />I am looking forward to turning my room its head today to put all my things as it should and get on with all the things that I need to do.<br />pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-6563004922893415312012-07-28T00:07:00.000+08:002012-07-28T00:07:03.200+08:00I feel so dumb. That I have no courage to say what's truly on my mind. I hear people judging me all the time.
I imagine the rejection and the embarrassment, especially the lost and I get the sense that I am too stupid dumb naive to ever be happy with what I have.
I promise to chase the rainbow with all my heart, that its about making the tough call because they may give you the heartbreaks but also the return that leave you smiling from ear to ear.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-7828272743387595122012-07-27T23:33:00.001+08:002012-07-27T23:33:59.411+08:00In this moment, all things feel like they lead back to you. More than I care to admit you have in that very short time made a deep, odd, fulfilling impact in my life. One that I have and still is unable to accept, pushed away, feared. I know giving more time and leaning in would have totally made me fall. I would have been settled. I'm not sure if I would have been happy.
I was happy from time to time. How could that not been good enoughpingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-41509783006887444042012-07-18T01:46:00.002+08:002012-07-18T01:46:44.066+08:00I come to you for solace, a rebel with a cause. An aching feeling of longing, a wish, a hope a clause. I miss and yearn but know not what a time so long a distant forgotten. A worry that when and if I do possess that I may run and wilt and asunder.
I seek an expectation, on that I think I may not attain, and in this I leave so lonely so lost but who is to blame.
Today i'm feeling that I could never be happy in a relationship, I do not know how without feeling like I would disappoint my parents. I have made so many mistakes that I think that it I feel I can never ever come back from this.
I mean E more than anybody I have ever met checks all my boxes and adores me. And despite that something so small trips me up and send me packing. I ought to be punished with loneliness for the rest of my life.
I get moments where I think that if I spent my life with E that maybe that would be enough. You know out of all the photos I'd pick that one both sullen and that mark my feelings for him. Muted, understated, content.
long walks, museums and dances, comedies and plays,travel and knowledge. Cuddles. Urgh how I hate myself when I get this feeling that why can't I be content.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-17141151775768487572012-06-26T11:20:00.002+08:002012-06-26T11:20:56.268+08:00more and more I am realising the shortcoming of my actions and that I take full responsibility for them. I Don't want to make those shortcomings again. They arent mistakes. I would not treat them as such.
my new hope is to fervently fall and to be more assertive in what I want and not letting logic trump all my feelings
ultimately if I should be so lucky to roll with the punches, listen to my heart, not give into loneliness and be prepared to not always have the answers but believe in my gut.
I feel like I owe you more than just my words. I know now that if you gave me more time it would not matter. Some things with us were not meant to be. I tried to ignore them and they festered.
I always hoped that you would.. but I know that is not you and how could I ask you to. All I hope is that I stay away and stop taking from you, because I feel like I have taken so much and given so little and yet I feel like I have nothing much of worth to offer you. And that which I gave I gave till it hurt and it hurt so much that I had to walk away. I lay quiet, silent and kept you in the dark. That is the way I shall proceed.
I toggle between wanting something new for myself, something better and the strife with my emotions to run, deal with it myself and wallow.
I hope for bright and happy and uncomplicated for simple, sweet and maybe the L word.
leave it alone
its found a home
and till its time it'll find you too
stay awhile
refrain my child
and lay with me
what is the worst case scenario,
can you live with it
yes I can
and I will bear its consequencespingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-56693749539714521472012-06-23T23:47:00.001+08:002012-06-23T23:47:15.869+08:00of course I have my doubts that this trip wont fill, its eats at me. But I trust that all will turn out well and that L wont beat me up too much for not filling it up.
J and I were discussing what we'll each be doing in 10 years. I imagine myself running by jobs and business traveling and looking after my 2 kids. Adopt I replied. I don't think I want to hope for love.
I have been given people who love me, and I truly fear that I have no space in my heart to accept with all my heart and soul. I think though I want someone to take care of me, I doubt that if that day came I wont stop until I put up the good fight.
It is my own fault that a smart, capable person like E I let go and hurt. That despite that I allow myself to lean in, and things sometimes feel right I resist and defend my independence.
Maybe like Cheryl says, I don't let myself fall. Have that "honeymoon" period, she says I don't gush/I didn't. *shrugs* too much of a realist for that.
The feeling and moment has passed. My instinct is to run from being vulnerable. Run from the possibility of getting hurt. Flatlined, no disappointment but also no rewards.
give a little
take a little
let your heart break a little
thats the story of, thats the glory of love.
I know that I have so much to learn
a lot of room to trust
and a lot of control to relinquish.
baby stepspingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-2463109991260421912012-06-14T00:06:00.001+08:002012-06-14T00:06:34.607+08:00Today I missed having someone around that I can lean on. I mean sure I could lean on someone now. but I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea. I must be strong and depend on myself.
Today I wished that girl with her arms wrapped around her man walking down that airstrip was happy, whole and contented. those images etched into my mind, and hidden on my desktop. I pray that it would be a tipping point that would make me love you in the way fairy tales say love is. But who am I kidding, that "birds will sing" and "walked with you, once upon a dream". I stomp my feet and insist it has to be enough. And by my standards it could be. But you should watch me as I say it. The life sucked outta me.
I wanna say, the next time I'm with someone. That he's My man. That I am falling, or have fallen for him. That no matter what everyone else says, I'd stick by him because I feel for him that deeply. I am cautiously hopeful that that might happen to me. Patience is a promise. and I would have to listen and be brave. because I know, that if it were lucky that luck strikes the same place twice, I might be tempted to run for cover for fear it burns like lightning.
good night world. hello to a girl to knows what she wants and is patient and tenacious enough to get it.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-24688878773412337642012-06-09T12:04:00.002+08:002012-06-09T12:04:40.932+08:00Why don't I love you, like you so opening love me and when you hold me why do I feel guilt. And all this time I asked for someone just like you. I think its the world's way of saying that I'm a fool. I want to give you all of me and yet fears and jeers make me flee. All I wished for, hoped and dream. Leaning in and in betweens. I walked that path with you arms embraces and interlaced, but yet in all this my woes abound that I can't love you the way you deserve.
I no longer can tell if its because I can't or don't want or do but allow not. Wishful thinking for wholeness and cause for celebration. But all I end up doing is tear and fear and I find myself pushing you away. So far away so that I can feel safe. But alone.
I wish that safety does not mean that I have to be alone. I wished that I fully understand and feel comforted by trust and belonging. That security is not something that will constantly keep me on my toes.
I hope that I will hold on tight and never let go. That I would not wonder or get flustered by what others think of me. And roll and lean as the breeze bends the trees. And no matter what be planted firmly to the ground and know that no one can ever take that away. And even if they try or they accidentally unearth your vulnerabilities tell them, stand your ground and let them come to you.
I promised E that I will deal with all of me, the running away and not being able to commit. This is not the first time, but it will be the last. I need to listen to my heart and not my head.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-25498412897999729312012-06-02T17:01:00.000+08:002012-06-02T17:01:57.331+08:00in the last 2 weeks I have see-sawed back and forth mulling over if I can disappoint this person who has showered me with so much love.
any I couldn't agree more, he describes me as conflicted. Depending on the time of day or who I spoke to my answer to him shifted or backtracked. The truth is, if it is build on sand then, this relationship I mean, then its not meant to be.
And I have to stick to my guns and rip off the bandaid. It will probably sting but it is for the best.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-6316002364165683352012-05-20T21:22:00.003+08:002012-05-21T00:28:22.722+08:00the dark sidewillful, conflicted and stubborn. that is what I am. I am.
and then he goes and says, I want you. How can you walk away from that?
And he agrees that not everyone is going to get their fairy tale ending, maybe we are not meant for things like that. And this is what we get.
He is not looking for a perfect fit, that would be wishful thinking. And I have to agree.
What I want to say, I am afraid to tell you for fear of being inappropriate or that those words will be inconsistent with the rest of me. That in the end of this all of will be hurt and these words, though solace now may be the knife edge that runs too deep.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-53532945296508018462012-03-28T21:48:00.002+08:002012-03-28T22:00:19.938+08:00you can be my unintended choice to live my life extended.<br /><br />Previously I was listening to all the wrong things and worrying about things that truly did not matter in the equation of my life. And to take a page out of don't sweat the small stuff. I surrender all control and have decided to trust in come what may. And I will, come hail or high waters. I have survived it. I have come back battered but not broken and I see this time as no different.<br /><br />I've walked these hallways a thousand times<br />and today I've noticed you<br />patiently day after day greeting me and smiling back.<br />and if I cant appreciate that than I am the fool.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-47937469957398670962012-02-15T23:37:00.002+08:002012-02-15T23:55:42.839+08:00i think the only thing I consistently do is push people away. And God do I have to learn to keep. That flaws and I must learn to love and accept wholeheartedly like how I do my friends and loved ones.<br /><br />It not about wanting what I can't have, it about having something good and still not being satisfied. What the hell is wrong with me. Its not regret I am feeling, just a fear that I am incapable of a relationship I hope for. Because its not other people that are the problem here. The error lies with me.<br /><br />Now what is there to do?<br /><br />love fervently and completely. Accept, flaws and all. Be present. Be committed. And listen to your instincts not not just your brain.<br /><br />man, there are somethings I do regret about E though, like how I wished I could have given it more time. But I felt that there was so much that was rushed and that in that a few red flag flew. <br /><br />sometimes I wonder if I possess the qualities needed,<br />to be, to love, to stay, to tolerate.<br />I wonder is my expectation insatiable.<br />that my capacity to be happy, clouded by my greed<br /><br />I just hope that love strikes me, that I be brave<br />and that I be present in that moment<br />till it falls away<br />to cradle it close and no be embarrassed by what others think<br />and remember to put myself ahead in this equationpingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-29379337137791572612011-12-17T17:04:00.002+08:002011-12-17T17:08:23.097+08:00some things never happen as you want it, then it is your choice to deal.<br />and when all avenue have turned up empty, and leaving you wanting more<br />you have got to wonder is what you've got worth risking<br /><br />and if you look hard enough there are always good things<br />and if you focus on them they would grow, can I be blind to everything else.<br /><br />i've listened to it at least a 100 times and the songs makes me feel more empty<br />and I do not know what to do but to dig into that hug and hope for the best<br />I guess I was hoping for more, maybe I expect too much.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-49901073072276067632011-12-12T00:06:00.002+08:002011-12-12T00:10:32.130+08:00I cant wait till you come through those double doors, warm embrace and help you with those bags. That feeling in your hear or just below your collar bone that you have someone to depend on. I hold my breath, because I don't want reality to set in.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-81932969976236810872011-12-11T23:45:00.002+08:002011-12-12T00:03:54.450+08:00I've sat here, listening to make you feel my love.<br />maybe not she sing, but I mirror her angst.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">does he know that I would do anything for him</span><br />that if I asked santa for what I wanted, someone who adores me<br />and likes with uncanny similarity. who can't wait to meet my friends and family.<br />its god cruel joke.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">but does he know what makes me smile,</span><br />because to him they are one and the same.<br /><br />I am promising to give it some more time, some more TLC and maybe.. just maybe.<br /><br />because I want this so badly to work out.<br /><br />http://youtu.be/0put0_a--Ng<br /><br />they flutter shut, visions of you<br />my heart promises t focus on all thats good<br />it hasn't made its mind up yet<br />and i wish it could blow wild and free<br />to make you feel my love.<br /><br />hmm.. there is just something about the phrasing that has got me.<br />cant wait to see the pictures I take<br />and I get to see you.<br />there is something not present about it and there is something that makes it feel very empty.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-57959507462529686442011-12-09T09:46:00.001+08:002011-12-09T09:46:08.008+08:00its about being present in this relationship. To love with every fibre in my body. You can be my unintended. I feel all these feelings fizzing to the surface and it has taken me all these days to embrace it.<br /><br />I am sad that I'll only get a couple of day with you till I fly off again. I want to know you, I want to know you.<br /><br />grasping on to fleetings of you,<br />feeling that its too good to be true<br />counting down the day till we both embrace<br />a silent prayer, a wish, a taste<br />today I am excited about spending it with you.<br />I cant promise forever, but I can give you right now<br />and I am staying right here<br /><br />run to you, pray its true that everything you say and do<br />will make me fall in love with you<br />silly giggles and foolish ways, leave me in a daze<br />run to you, pray its true that I will be enough for you<br />that happiness is in our cards<br />a wishful thinking, a hopeful heart.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-75638187948875968042011-11-19T01:55:00.002+08:002011-11-19T02:00:22.068+08:00Jiji asked me at Dim Sum so why did he win, and let me clarify that there is no competition here.<br /><br />and so days before I hung up my hopes and headed back to the drawing board. And hoped that one day it's be my turn. <br />When no one else wanted to go and watch that movie, he did. That really was it. That tipped the scale.pingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6135845.post-58692279559885991762011-11-18T00:24:00.002+08:002011-11-18T00:42:54.153+08:00I spoke to Sherman.. and we bantered about it and has been extremely encouraging, my eternal optimist :) , Andrew coaxed for a different answer and by the time Cheryl asked for details.. I replied it happened like lightning speed.<br /><br />nobody said it would easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.<br /><br /><br /><br />toss and turn at thoughts of you and you.<br />dreams of cuddles and long toasty campfire side conversations<br />and I've finally put a face to the happy anticipations, figments, notions<br />only to find that they only make me furrow and fear<br />when my heartstrings tug and social convention pulls<br />and all that keeps me going are thoughts and time with you<br />in my mind and around me everything is shifting and I hold still<br />eyes closed, arms around. *holding my breath*<br /><br />sleep eludes me, from stress and other things <br />and now that the week is winding down I'm glad that I do too.<br />I pray for sleep this nightpingzhihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14997695104501324838noreply@blogger.com0