Movie Magic

I went to the movies today!!

And its so special cos I went with Daddy :)
Haven't done that in a Long while...
It was just a simple movie, but it was nice.

It made my day.

the world is changing, maybe its all part of the growing up. Today i had to do something despite exhaustion, did something that would not please all parties, was late for something important yet found the time to make up for it. I got out of my comfort zone, did something random, talked to a old friend and made a new one.

Today was filled with many blessings, very much like every other day. Today I'd like to take the time to appreciate each one. Thanks you me and all the things that surround me.

Dreams do come true..

I got a spot!!!

Woohoo.. It's practice.. practice.. practice..

Next stop, Fort Canning!!!

OMG!! Ballet Under the Stars**

A year ago I put a picture of the Ballet Under the Stars on my vision wall. Well, though most of the other pictures have fallen off and faded a tad, that picture is still there. Funny how life turns out. I was simply hoping that I will be able to catch Ballet Under the Stars this year. Who would have thought I'll perform for their pre-show!!

Spirit

I remember when we first staged Spirit. Each rehearsal was torture!! We were in a totally different league. Most of us hadn't had the type of stage experience to bring the strength, stamina and heart to do this dance justice. Steps were crazy fast, really tough and most of all I had to dig deep to play the part.

We had to find our own story, tell it through our movement. I had to scrapped my emotional wounds till they were raw. And as I hit my mark, sometimes I wished that he could feel my pain.

It was a long time ago, so long ago that it had became a figment of my imagination. The wounds had since healed and the pangs forgotten. Or so I thought.

Then just last week Yali told me that we've been invited to perform Spirit as the prelude to Ballet Under the Stars, I was over the moon!!

But having gone for polishing and practice, when the music played and I got into the zone, it was all coming back to me.

Fingers and toes crossed for casting this week!! Ballet Under the Stars..

-------------------------------------------

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

For the first time is many moons
I dreamt.

I wake to find only you.

It was unexpected, a little misadventure
maybe one day we'll look back with hands held, smiles and laughter
it was as if I leaned into you and you the moment lasted a lifetime
I forgot myself, where I was.

Today I forgot I had worries, left them all at the breakfast table.
took a trip to neverland and came back with you
I never laughed so hard, felt so rested

---------------------------------------

inspiration to move
fear and desperation
both choosing to pull
the waves of convention
hold your breath till your face turns blue
leave a note or scream
no one hears you
unless of course, you owe them
eagle eyes and foolish lies
will last you endless nights
but to enjoy its entirety
what more needs to froth the mix
curtailing of anonymity
stalking the competition
all of which, pray dare done

JagerBombs and sweet talk

Today has been unexpected
filled with fresh perspectives
on acceptance and relationships
not with self but with others
together comes clarity of values
and past mistakes

Drinking and making merry has never been so eye opening. I thank god for great friends and good alcohol. It's all winding down, so off to bed...
-----

going around in circles

When I'm afraid to say I love you
does that make me love you any less

While lying awake at night, I had a thought
that with you here could make my night a little more perfect
does that make me lost without you

Snuggled up in my couch, I wondered what you were up to
does that make me miss you

I walked past the most simple but painful reminders
does that make me weak

With all that is going on around me,
sometimes I wish I had you to talk to
does that make me hopeless

through it all, I am grateful for all the memories and all the great experience that I've had.

-------------------------------------------------------

I was looking through my emails and I came upon a bunch from someone who was a passerby in my life. For a long time, he sent me a quote everyday without fail. Except for that one day that me admittedly fell asleep.



When things are not meant to be yours, just open up your mind and let go.....


Call me crazy, but I sometimes want to believe that it was meant to me mine. And for that, it crazy hard to let go.

friendship never ends?

I keep wondering if what I did was the right decision. Oh well, it really is too late now. What is done is done right.

I guess its not about making things right. It about.. Now that I've made my decision, what is the next step?

Sometimes I'm caught between doing what is right and what is easy. Sometimes it feels much more complicated.. the choices are between what I am comfortable with against what would other people think. Sometimes both these work against my better judgement to conform to what I feel is a "Norm"

It has caused me to cave one too many times, but looking back.. I was silly then to think that. Ultimately, my friends will stick by me no matter what.. hehe.. at least I think they would.

Some of my friends I miss tremendously. I havent been able to meet up with them. Not that its anyone's fault. Everybody has been really busy with their lives thats all.

continued drone,
left me sinking into
waves of mirrored emotion
each marked by a trigger moment
I leaned in further, soft and comforting
and briefly, I caught myself thinking of him

I smiled
I allowed myself to
somehow knowing that there's a possibility
I'll be happy soon

It should all be a misunderstanding

some time ago, I met you. I met you, when I least expected. I really do not know what it was, I could not put my finger on it, but it was as if I knew you. You seemed familiar yet you weren't and in that brief meeting you left an impression a good one.

Then you reached out to me at a time when I doubted myself. I don't even think you realised it, but you saved me from myself. I am smiling now, not because of you, but as a result of you. For that I am ever grateful.

And as the week wore on, you bumped into each other again, yet again. Each time staying a little longer, from time to time I find myself enjoying it a little more than I should. thinking of the next time we might meet leaves me smiling, I haven't smiled like that in some time.

Sometimes I wonder if you are luring me in on purpose, maybe in your absence I imagine it all, just like I use to.

the hardest step is the next one..

With all that is buzzing around me, people, places, hurt,pain, anguish, accomplishment, defeat, promise.

I am raring to see the "bright side of life".. doesn't that make you want to whistle. In the midst of it all, there was a moment of calm and serenity. I get it now, I need firstly to be comfortable being alone.

That means without TV, procrastination excuses, itching to call people out and fill my days incessantly with things to do. Simply slow it down a tad and when I need to get work done, Do it! and not call someone out for a movie or sweep it under the rug.

I have this vision for myself for the rest of 2009. and thankfully its all for myself. I mean how can give to others or attract positive people to me if I personally am not living my best life right?

It time I take what's rightfully mine and not worry about things that has happened and are out of my control.

Its bye bye brooding, hello treadmill, weights, stretching, self-help books, NLP, project.

followed by a promotion, trading in shares, breakdancing lessons, a trip to central asia. A revamp of my room. I am giving myself 6 months to overhaul my life. And I'll be happy to do just one thing at a time.

Right now its my scoliosis, Bye bye disease. hello morning runs, increase protein intake, weighs training, pilates in the park.

I know.. I am going a bit bonkers writing all this down. But the last 24 hours has been anything but normal. Chatting with Drew and being whooseyed over by Perth, listening to Nic, watching suspect x, going to the Chiropractor, looking at the fact that I am brimming the mid 20s.

Today Enough is Enough! and you won't understand where I am coming from unless you spent Sunday with me.

My role model is my Chiropractor. If I could be a fifth of the person he is, I'm all set for 2009. Kudos to me for taking step one..

the hardest step is the next step...

what if I said that I wasn't not like the other?
No longer walking after, instead walking to
Would you still hear me, look me eye to eye
or brush me off like. What? you say..
I guess you've not notice.

--------------------------------------------

I've been watching gossip girls, I know before you say it. What an awful place to learn life lessons from. But maybe its really that simple, unadulterated feelings of affection. When it hits you, go with the flow. If it disappears fly away with. Can it really be that simple? You can pine for and regret, but of course it'll be of no use anyway.

And when you find yourself less than knowing, to take a leap. Its not like there's anything to loose, you might feel upset, cry a little. You'll be stronger for it. And when the answer is yes, the embrace you receive in return is worth 10 Nos.

It's not about Mr. Right, its about Mr. right now.

--------------------------------------------

The more I talk to people and ask about dating. The more I've come to realise that there are no such things as stipulations. When you say he must have a.......... and you spew a list.. its bullshit. Because, when you meet him, it right be a crazy union, someone that you never would have considered, considering all the stuff that supposedly annoy you. Well, suddenly you don't seem to mind.

stalking..

OMG what did I find when I googled my own name. My Hp no, my close friends and this...

http://ohaiyo-business-travel.com/?s=unlock+curve+spine


Google your own name and find out, because I've possible found out a lot of interesting things about you..

I know better now, I'm glad
what is the point feeling the way you do
waiting and expecting
thinking and hoping

maybe you're guessing that its not
any longer about regret
thinking you know what your heart really wants
but all it craves is for what you know
you
too scared to venture out on your own
too judgmental to feel
to guarded to know good when you see it
too self absorbed to see when you have it good

maybe these were your past indiscretions
that you have put behind
worried that they may come back to haunt you
and look you in the eye

there is a possibly you never left the comforts of your well
the loft of your indiscretions

is it alright to feel
to wonder
to go back
to stop and think for a moment

if something was good, why did you have to change it

is it alright to admit fault
where do you go from there
because back is not the right place to go, though it is so familiar and so absolutely perfect

what are you to do?
where am I to go?

Sheila Rae

without expectation, there would be no disappointment
I don't know what hurts more, the long hours that I spent strapped to the machines
the many moments of sheer panic I felt when the pain and discomfort overwhelmed
or the knowing that all that week of work and self masochism lead to such poor results.

I hate it, this feeling of helplessness. I did everything I could and yet this disease still haunts me. Its been 10 years and I am no where closer to a resolution.

I wished I had better things to tel Dr. Will, to mom and dad, to myself. but I can't stop feeling that I failed and its never going to end. Today it feels like this mountain is too difficult to climb and I can't even muscle the next step.

Today I don't feel very brave.

-----------------------------------------

On coming home today, I could bare answer phone calls or entertain questions about "how did it go". I laid there letting the clips play on skye yet I starred not at the screen but at my reflection. The depressed self that seems to mark every May. In the end I fell asleep in my jeans and jacket, despite the afternoon heat. No one bothered me, it was as if they knew. I arose just in time for dinner, dad cautious this time as he shook me.

I lugged my dead weight to the table and acted as normally as I could muster. Mom had been tired and so she just amounted my behaviour to fatigue too. But during dinner I began to talk, and as I spoke tear welled up and I couldn't help it but say how the last week has been a total waste of time.

What got me though was how my family, at least the remaining members banded together. Mom came over and gave me a hug. Honestly, that's the only thing I've needed all week. Then dad came over too and before I knew it I was pinned between them both semi unable to breathe. OMG, it was like my breath of fresh air. I squealed, eyes still filled with tears "I can't breathe.. too tight.." and dad cracked up about how his glasses were pressing and hurting too.

They just made everything all right. I love them both dearly.