Video Donations please...

Still up loading videos into skye to prep for the war tmr!!

I am to focus on the task at hand, which is to get my back cured. And I am going to watch Gossip Girls to help ease the pain today. Tomorrow it'll be Heroes :)

and if you have any other sitcoms or TV series.. please spare some bytes for the cripple...

Worth it!! Focus on my Outcome!!

Day 2
It was over in a flash. 9am - 5pm.
En didn't know I was doing until I told her while watching Eli Stone. But OMG!! she's the only one who understands the technical terms and how painful, tiring and frustrating treatment can be. The fact that I've been there the whole day made her eyes almost pop out of her sockets. She can barely take the 1 half hour sessions there, and here am I doing full day sessions.

There were moments on the Eckard table that made me want to scream out in pain. And the last 2 minutes of sitting in the chair drive me to the brink of panic. I really don't know how other kids half my age mange this on their own. I have visualisation, baroque music, my trusty ipod and Russel Peters on video to make me laugh. But sometimes all that wasn't enough.

under going resturcturing

I thought that the highlight of my week would be buying my Levi's.. Yup! something even better than that!!

Dr. Will has just asked that I do an intensive programme 7 days, 7 hours each day. And the goal - cure my scoliosis.. Woohoo!!

This is the whole story..
I've been going there for treatment doe the last 5 months and my post x-rays were dismal. So, both of us want changes!! So this is our plan.

I know there are going to be moments when the pain seems unbearable. For the opportunity to be beautiful, its really the least I can do yea. I have fears, what if.. but lets not get ahead of myself. Look on with positivity and do more than what is expected of me.

With a little luck, and a lot of hard work. I will have great news to report next week.

slow and steady wins the race

I am rather amazed that in all the time that I've been blogging, I've only just figured out, got down to and completed changing the blogskin.

*phew*

To all you technocrats and early adopters, this might be a piece of yummy cheesecake. For me, this is momentous:D. First blogskins, then HTML.. then THE WORLD!! Fine, it's not as if I made the blogskin myself.

They'll be bigger things yet..

I stare out at the cars bustling, the light is gently fading. And though its a little too early, begun on my ice cold to end off beads of sweat and the warm still air. From my balcony I stare out, and there is no one else on the sidewalk or down the street, they're all headed in for supper. Yet there I was seated just like every Saturday for the length of my adult life watching and waiting.

Maybe I sat there at my teak armchair, feet propped up on the rusted railing hoping that today was when he'll walk up our driveway. Hoping that today unlike the week before this, that my monotony would be broken and that it would all be different.

Nanna always said that I should do something more useful with my time, than siting around wasting my life away.

The drone of the traffic is broken by


----------------

when i want to remind myself about sometime important, I often go to great pains to make it not literal. But this is just silly, I don't know where I am going with this.

I have got to do something differently in order to get the happy ending that I so yearn for. But do what? there are doors opening for me, but which one to take. All have potential, yet... If there was a way to follow my heart, that the one I wish to take. By golly the road looks awfully tedious. But you know.. i think that if I did take it, I'll pour my heart and soul into it. So what is the plan?

Culture Vulture

Here I am looking at my weekend. What do I do? Hmm..

Wanna watch a Dance concert - Group II (Rio), I guess I might go alone. Wanna watch a movie, which? Revolutionary Road. Huh?! What road? Only the the most potentially moving story out in theatres now on a different calibre than 17 Again I might add.

I attribute it to my awfully weird taste in culture. When others are soaking up the atmosphere of orchard road. I rather take it to the civic districts, a quiet afternoon at a corner cafe leafing through the life of victims of their fate or pacing the corridors of the path less trodden.

I crave for dinner parties and drinks after dark, evening plays and random chit chat till dawn. Then I realise that I'm in Singapore and if in Rome do as the Romans. So I take to late night hawker food and blockbuster movie. I relish in loitering the occasional mall and window shopping. I indulge in fast food and bargain hunting.

There is a life that I wish to have, the life that I lead and there is the grey in between. I like to think I am courageous enough to tread on the grey, but I often cave to popular culture. It does get lonely on the other side, it does get expensive too. Lonely mostly.

I mean there was the time that I took a couple of friends to watch a play, I drag my friends to my dance concerts. En and I took to the Lord of the Rings museum exhibits for 8 hours. I hope for that balance, actually what do I want to get out of saying all this? Maybe someone that could appreciate this too.

More than ever, I feel pressured by social construct. For reasons more head than heart. I guess people mean well, sometimes they are having a good laugh.

I need to also start to move away from the romantic notions especially in the modern bustle. That maybe its not so much about lowering my standards as looking in a totally different direction.

heartfelt longing

What must I do to make you see, that we all love you and want to get you to understand it from my point of view. Is that too selfish to ask?

All I ask that when you walk through your day, realise that I have feelings too. That when you are angry about something, instead of finding comfort in my listening, you've always taken it out on all of me. It might not be your intention, but I walk on eggshells. Now I am sick of it. If I have to stick up to you, let you see what I see in you each day. Only then, only maybe, you might come to understand. Maybe not today, nor tomorrow. Hopefully sometime soon. That I love you, and that this cannot continue.

Your way of life is not as you imagine, but fallible.
I don't love you any less. but you are tough to love. I do this not only for your own good, but mine as well.

I hope you hear that this is heartfelt. That in all the tantrums, there is semblemce of care and affection.

Today you bare my grudge, yesterday I bore my anger. My intention is to get us to see eye to eye. I long for a time when I won't have to answer to you. I won't have to do things to seek your approval and your mark of certification. You may say, that you never asked for such a relationship. But in retort, what would happen if I did not? Life would be unbearable, unreasonable like it is now.

Funny how, this time you are the one who is upset, when previously, it had always been me. There is some saatisfaction to be gain. But I feel untriumphant. My vision is not to win the battle, but for peace and serenity in your home. In our home.

meant for you (work in progress)

I stood three feet from you
back turned,
I watched you, fell for the corner of your smile
it was in that moment I felt
your warmth

I didn't know it then,
couldn't put it into words
but it was all meant for you
meant for you

You leaned your head
onto mine
for awhile, for all of time
got lost right next to you
hand intertwined

I didn't know how to say it then
couldn't put it into words
but it was all that I meant
meant for you



I didn't know why I said that then
couldn't put it into words
when all it was ever meant
meant for you

misery loves company

gathering steam, yet tettering into with each step
that with new beginnings are new lives abet uncertainly
and with the constraints of comfort
there is no place to hide, no place to rest her head
possibly ease the hurt, fight the tears
she grapples for a splint into another
tormeted by her own dreams, her own disappointment
it is when state engulfs, ties are shred
wanting becomes an unfulfilled desire

Scoliosis bites!

Took my dreaded X-rays and they were a bust. I don't know how to beak it to my parents. It seems like no matter how hard I work, it doesn't cut it.

I need to get my back fixed. Having it so screwed up just wont do. The more I look at it, I wonder is it ever going to be possible? I've got to keep to it and up the antics.

Right now it just sucks to have scoliosis. Looking forward to kicking as in bare back tops and halter dresses.

Eat my dust!!

I did the 11km route with the girls this Saturday. I wouldn't say that I jogged the 11km, but I did for most of the journey. But OMG, 11km. I've never jogged that kinda distance ever. I am even stunned that I completed it.

With the girls help I hope to be all ready for the run in May. Especially after yesterday's run, I am thankful that I am not aching all over. Met Bernice today, and by golly, she walks.. no.. she kinda limps.

Hope she gets better soon.

My goal for the week is to run a total of 20km. And I'll even reward myself if I accomplish it :)

So excited.. maybe I should go run..

My name is trina.. and I Argue

what's up with me man...
I can't stop arguing with people, getting riled up about my point of view. I did it yesterday the day before. I did it today. I believe its not healthy.

On the flipside, I took a stand.

Anyway, I don't think its very friendly of me to argue. By golly, its going to be a tough habit to crack. However I am determined to be civil about it from this day forth.
Its a problem. Especially when I talk to people who don't know me too well and aren't in a state to have a proper discussion with. Even the guys too.. I can see how it would be annoying. I'm not blind sighted.

no longer in denial.

jogging

Went jogging yesterday. The first time to with Fel. It was really cool to really get cracking for the 10km run in May. I'm really looking forward to it.

I still stand by my decision to drive there and park the car. But, silly me didn't know you needed to put a parking coupon at a park, so I had to pay school fees *sigh*

We just completed our run around one of the park islands when I saw someone looking into my car with a flash light. But by the time I raced there.. oh well.. It was just a little too late. I got a $30 parking ticket...

just my luck.

Fel and I made up for it by running a little more, followed by going to meet bernice :) Made me feel like a school girl again. Doing all sorts of random stuff just because we felt like it.