thrill seeking?

how best would you define it?
doing something that pushes the boundaries of what is "safe", for the purpose of fun.

experimenting?
doing something to test out your hypothesis.

Nope not really that either.

whatever it is, I will admit that I might know what I am doing. But I will say this, that I am caustious.

I guess that is why things like this is never a science. there is no certainty, guarantee.
But hey, sometimes there are risk involved. I rather take a chance on myself now, than regret later.

But like cass said, I am afraid too. If something goes terribly wrong, my worst fear is that I continue to let it hurt me. Well, so I shall ut myself on the line.

that nobody's actions can hurt me except my own. that if/when lines are crossed that I must walk away.

Our trip!!

my first ever overseas trip with Ariel, Anhong and Kenneth!

It was a blast!! THANKEW ariel for taking us....
it was amazing cos, being around them takes me back to our CJ days!!
cycling, bridge, parties, long chats, bus rides, sushi, SUPPERS

And now..

JB road trip! to wash A car..(think i might consider driving up)
Supper.. Tom Yam, Mee Bandung, Soto, Awesome! Satay
not forgetting Chewing gum and DVDs

*smiles* it was more fun than I've had in a long time..
awaiting our next trip..

What has changed in the last 24 hours?

just a little perhaps

6 words can help shelter or shield
cut you deep, drive you to the edge

all this while I've been waiting for this push
and got myself preped for the blow
but when the time came
the world swiftly caved around me
nothing helped
its going to be tough navigating
the twist and turns without you
better get use to it though
hope, its letting out

gosh, I would have bent over backward
to find my way back to you
all that time I thought you made me sad
now, i'll do anything, for one more day
just more day
to do right by you..
you only deserve the best...

if there is anything that needs to be said, I need to stop thinking what I should be doing and listen..
Do what I would like todo for a change, make the rash decisions have a ball of a time. Make the mistakes now, learn the lessons. No regrets.

No more time wasted on apologies, its a new beginning, both daunting yet bold.

Its not about being rash or brash, neither bold and enblazen. Its about looking at it with fresh eyes, awe and excitement. Now, only need to keep it up.

More than ever, now that I am able to listen to myself speak, I know what I want..
I am looking forward to it, now to get everyone to see it my way.

"I Can't Break It To My Heart" sung by Delta Goodrem

If it's okay
I'll leave the bed light on
And place your water glass where it belongs
And if alright
I'll lie awake at night
Pretending i'm curled up at your side

See i'm circling these patterns
Living out of memories
I'm still a long way from accepting it
That there's just no you and me

But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart

Is it just me
Did i commit a crime
I won't believe that loving you
Is just a waste of time
Or was it in my head
I'm reading into things that you never said

'cause i still don't have the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that i did
So i can turn it back around

But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart

And nothing will come between us
I wanna convince myself we're perfect in
Every single way as long as i can keep
The truth away from my heart
Oh 'cause i can't break it to my heart

'cause i still don't have all the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that i did
So i can turn it back around

But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart


------------------------------------

Welcome to the new anthem of my life, this has happened before. And I know what to do, might I have the guts to follow through? I hope for strength to let go, for the power to leap into the arms of faith. I am excited, who cares what others think. For once I'll wear my heart on my sleeve.

reeling..

3 movies in a week... and the week is not up yet!

Walle with Kenneth on Tuesday, then Death Race on Wednesday (who-is not important) and to start my weekend the girls and I had watched Mama Mia! which I had been looking forward to for months...

I might be watching another movie tonight.. had to say yes!! it'll officially make this the most number of movies I have watched in a week... Man, I can't believe I'm amused...

Kenneth and I were busy discussing the "what I feel like sayings...." about WallE. *note* ask kenneth for the URL to his MoVblog. I think we came up with lots of things, half of which I dont quite remember now. Mostly to do with What makes us Human?Personality, emotion, values,drive. Environmental issues? Solutions?

But truth be told...
Hasn't this story been told before, about seeking love and going to great lengths for love? Doesn't this story ever EVER get old? The scene, characters, pretense may vary. But the story is about love and its pursuit. Is there any stronger motivation in this world?

my hope is not for the answers to these questions, just to get everyone thinking... I'll love to hear your thoughts, replies, 2-cents..

Cheers to life...

It's 3ish in the afternoon and I'm still in my PJs.. *beams*
I spent my afternoon watching Le Divorce on 5, its amazing what you can learn from a Hermes "Kelly" Bag and the screwed up soap opera tangled lives of when American women meets French men and their pish posh familie. A real feel good movie to tell you "HEY! if you think you're life is screwed up, well, check out mine!". Fine, that maybe a tad too cruel but really. The story just highlights that happiness, resolve, equilibrim can come in any shape or form.

I too am a pragmatist. There is no such thing as perfection, there is no need to. That there is light at the end of every tunnel, its only a matter of if you Want to see it. All you have to do it keep looking ahead, there is no point looking back. And more importantly to move ahead...

Look at the sky
Tell me what do you see
Just close your eyes
And describe it to me
The heavens are sparkling
With starlight tonight
That's what I see
Through your eyes
I see the heavens
Each time that you smile
I hear your heartbeat
Just go on for miles
And suddenly I know
My life is worth while
That's what I see
Through your eyes
Here in the night
I see the sun
Here in the dark
Our two hearts are one
It's out of our hands
We can't stop what we have begun
And love just took me by surprise
Looking through your eyes

I look at myself
And instead I see us
Whoever I am now
It feels like enough
And I see a girl
Who is learning to trust
That's who I see through your eyes

And there are some things we don't know
Sometimes a heart just needs to go
And there is so much I'll remember
Underneath the open sky with you forever

----------------------------------------

am I willing to walk away from someone who makes me feel this way. when it happens it feels like an eternity, then as quickly as it begun, it ends. everythings goes back to normal as day.. do I travel between these two worlds, or search for a middle ground or grey area. am I happy just sitting and waiting patiently. YES! i think by some definition I'll consider myself in desperation. Maybe at the other end of the spectrum this is what I am meant to do while I busy wait my turn. Whoever said it was about waiting turn. and as hurt I might sometimes feel, I need to understand where you are coming from.. do I dare say it...? I have feelings for you.. I...Leur... I cant. I'm afraid to loose what little of you sometimes toss my way.. God I feel pathetic... yet.. you're worth every ache, tear, smile, whimper,thought, gift.. i'm sorry.. I feel so..

and in the words of a 15 year old... you make me Love you...

ties that bind...

i think back on those days.. and I wonder if I could ever had done anything differently. But I'm happy, taking ownership for everything that has happened and hasn't happened to me... I am reminded, just like I was last saturday, that there are people who love and care for me. They are people who will see me through it all...

Thanks for your support, care, love...
I know sometimes I'm tough to live with, kinda annoying.. talk a little too much, moody.
Thanks for putting up with it all and still calling me family and a friend...