so what i'm really thinkg

do you think i'll ever tell
maybe one day when the cars fly
and the mosquitoes die

it been a long time since i stared down at my toes
or watched the cloud roll by the window
since i sold my soul

You know i understand if you dont give me a chance
but what about you and you and you
i'm always tired, i'm always downcast

i'm awalys drawn to the hopelessness of reality
i touchedby the warmth of his smile
I long for the day I get beaten
till the rain falls and I am no more

i've got a couple befor the last 2 papers, its too late for egg tau hui
and truth be told i should be looking at the yellower things in life
the last couple of days has been especially crazy with me Yo-Yoing
around, however I'm off to the land down under for a jiff..
sosmile girls I'll see you when I return if I return in all. Goodbye my lover
its never the end, love is like the second law of physics, energy that never
fades just get transfered to other forms, like its not so distant cousin HATE
i cant remember me anymore, need time alone, the irony of it all.
ithink i spun a web of lies,only to fool myself. the only thing I can say tht
I'm not strong enough

i should just quit school and join the circus, at least I wont have to deal with my clueless brother
i wont have to deal with exams, i know this is going to be my second last bout of exams for a long time to come,
buti'm worst for wear..
I have to days left and counting, I still have not much to show for it, i intend to pull an all nighter, mostly because i'm pissed off and because I dont know what to do with myself. I hate myself right now

i want to do something extreme like stuff myself anf gorge on food then bang my head against the wall,godknow whyi'm even writing it down,
in some measly attempt to stop myself, i hate myself

would someone just tell mewhatis wrong with me.

trina is feeling like she is not worth much today
the exams are in 4 days
and she needs a plan

tmr, you need to get advertising down before meeting andrew which means 5 more mindmaps
please be up at 7. am

make yourself herbal tea and eggs

learn japanese lesson 7,9,10 on the way to meet andrew at 3pm

be home for dinner at 6.30

at 8.00 please review media writing
law and writing for advertising

10 pm do kanji lesson 6

sleep by 11pm

and before you sleep write for all to see what you are going to be doing for a sate(the day after tomorrow)

right now i'm wondering if i'll ever amount to anything, cos i don't think i amount for much. sure you can say other wise. but i've go no hobbies, i don't know where I spend my time. I've just retreated into this buble, I'm a loner, a sham a smart ass know it all.

my exams are 4 days away, I've barely skimmed the surface of my material, I feel like crap.

thats that.

i think i'm very confused, very lost, broken

i'm feeling jaded, not amused
forlorn and somewhat abused
abused by what? I'm not sure myself
just that sometimes I say I hate even though
I know I love, i wished everything I want to know will
omosize into my head, but I fell stupid stupid stupid
just let me curl up and die, watch the clouds roll by

all i want is someone to support me
someone to stop and stay awhile
i want to study, but nothing is getting in
I want to be smart, but my CAP score will never allow it

no points for my sorry ass, no smiles
i have nothing left
i might seem I do, but that is all shit
I feel far from everything
maybe I'm living on the edge
the edge of oblivion
where everything is whithered, sparse and/or dead
i feel like i'm sucked dry

i feel happy, but temporary happy
i feel pleasure, but it also so empty
i have left, my useless life

where have I been all my life?

taken from O!magazine July2005
Daphne Zuniga

I love finding my soul mate! again and again!

I'm not married, never have been, but everytime I meet my soul mate, I feel in my core, this guy is it. I've met the most amazing men in my life, so many that a year ago I found I was truly tuckered out. I announced a hiatus, and the rules were simple; no dating, no falling love. If I met my soul mate he would have to wait till the break was over. I commited to six months.

I needed the self-imposed intervention because when I fall for someone, I'm hit an insatiable desire to merge. I've never understood dating "on the weekends." If I'm nuts about a guy but see him only on the weekends, then what the hell am I doinf the five days inbetween? Impatiently waiting for the damn weekend.

I want to be where the action is. I want to see him when he wakes up, matted and vulnerable. If he's hanging out watching the Mets, I want to be there, my feet on his lap, yelling at Mike Piazza. I want to see him do his hair thing with a dab of gel, watch him walk naked down the hall behind him.

Falling in love has been a consuming desire to share the marrow of another human being in the hope that life will become profound and fall into place. That is the prize, and to get it, I have done what I've always done: morphed myself so that I fit into his life. Whatever habits,opinions, or wardrobe I used to have vanished, and what he prefers take their place. I don't completely give up who I am - the men I fall for wouldn't be attracted to that - but I soften my edges, sweep out the parts of myself that might be in the way. This is how I have loved.

what am I grateful for...

I'm grateful for my parents for being the greatest parents I could ask for,
they have given me so much space to grow, like drew i think i've got big shoes to fill...
for my siblings and the special relationship i share with each of them..
each helps me in things that I couldnt do on my own,

for my friends that have supported me at every stage of my life..
I might not share that bond with you we had, but you have a special place in my heart
for being God's messenger, for filling my life with so much colour...

for andrew who has stuck by me through all my downs, who wont stop loving me..
who keeps me safe, wanted..

for the little things that i take for granted, like the rain and the food on my table...
there are so many other things..

living in this little island..
for always having a reason to smile..

since i have 2 post, why not make it 3

trina wants to talk about her baby

he's busy at work..
sleeping in the wee morning
and working through the night

i'm sorry that i cant be there for you the next couple week, I've got to study. Thanks baby you've been a real sport. Thanks dear for taking me out on your day of rest, I know you had so many other things planned, i'm sorry once again that I had to leave before for was suppose to end.

lov you dear..

enigma

am I really?
what does that mean?
I guess so, sometimes.

so why am I such?
maybe its just because, banana hammock.

I know why, but its too painful to say
painful? you ask..

to say that I don't know would be a lie, but its for different reasons that I am torn.
Thus I fight it everyday.

Thank you for caring
sorry for everything

I'll hold on, for how long...
its not worth crying over

its not worth worrying
its worth love
its worth companionship

it's worth is inquantifiable
and yet

My travel companion

my travel companion should know that I'm hard to get alone with
that everything is all very new

that when we walk together that i might need a helping hand
and even though I don't always say it, I appreciate

my travel companion should be witty and strong
fun and loving life
to walk the beaten trail
the long windy road
for we would never know what tomorrow will bring

someone who can take me to places I wouldn't go
if I was alone
and take the blinders from my eyes
show me a brand new world
and lend a helping hand
my travel companion


I think that deciding on who your companion is, is important. in order to get the most out of your trip. You don't just want to go all the way round the world to sit in the hotel and only eat the food from the resturant across the street.

this is what to do...

i just wish i knew what to do.
Btw THANK YOU baby boy... can't wait to see you

Today I had the worst Jap lesson ever
I was so bad that the teacher just completely
gave up on me when I tried to answer her question 3 times
I feel like the worst student ever

after a hell of computer files and work to get done i'm finally handed up my part of the advertising module...
If they still want me to do stuff i'll probably cry

but at least the week end is coming
there are dinners to eat
party to attend
friends to greet
n there's drew

well
that leaves me well time to study
for the exams in too weeks...
I'mso torn...
that mean that I have to workdoubly hard every other time else

so from now till the end of exams

There is to be NO television for TRINA SWEE PING ZHI at all...
must do self study from 7 am to 9 am
cos right now she is not studying at all

this does not include the time that she is to do her JAPANESE revision
and her research paper for Life course and aging

if she does not comply, you can make her eat grass!