There is something very illogical about it all that makes my heat spin. When was that ever agood thing, though possible fun.

I stare at the eyes that gave me solace,
watch has the beer was poured
waited and savoured each moment
making sure that all was well and in order
I exhaled with certainty that motives were aligned
held the report, a clean bill
left the room relieved and certain all was amiss
was glad that as always I was wrong

then as the saying goes
When the cat's away the mice will play
and had I barely sheaned around when

the party roared deafeningly
and lives spilled outta control
by proxy I'm responsible, by affinity that's illogical
I can't be everywhere at once
All I give is me

Desperate to beelin for the next exit
but I'm in too deep, enbroiled, enthralled
long to know the intricacies of the unfolding soap

My yesterday's are strewn all over
waiting to be boxed up and shipped away
yet at the same time, I look forward with a anticipation
a dash of anxiety

I'm looking forward to getting rid of my past, regret, grievences
To allow how everything to match how I feel...


let darkness no longer defall my heart
and allow insecurties to wither brown
rounds of smiles and chatter
crumble the chalk drawn boundaries

stand down to fear
take it as it comes
standing feet planted, chin up
feel the blood coursing through
and not the worry of throngs

lay open to sentiment
positive in adversity, strife and divergence
most definately reflective and serene
let nothingget me down

.. for the first time in my entire lifetime, I did something shocking. I stood up to my childhood foe and won. It was a war of words, guts and honesty. And the sweet satisfaction that it cut deep. Not only that... the secondary benefit is.. now she's closer to mom. I scored a Double :))

All I wanna do is have some fun :)
Its a fresh start on the same old things
But this year.. let's just say its my last ditch attempt to stay fabulously cool and young before I hit my mid 20s.. Bleah...
Wahahaha...

What if?

Scrumptuous Dinner + Jello shots..
On the rooftop veranda of Julian's Condo, followed by a walk in Labrador Park.
Well :D when phrased, bet it'll make for a great date.

Dinner was marvellous but it was the conversation that was driving the very chilly wednesday evening.
As we ate we played "What if.." I guess we've always been talking casually about what if XXX... how would you react.

But though Joey and Cheryl had barely eaten, the questioning was in full swing.

What if ?
...you fell in love with someone? a Married someone?
...the man you were dating turned out to an Ex-Con?
...your unborn child had down syndrome?
...your partner cheated on you? Would you forgive?
...you could not have children? IVF? Adoption?
...you found out that your child is not you husband's?
...your partner loves someone else? divorvce?

The conversation was flying and if you didn't hold your own, you couldn't keep up. It was thrilling, eye opening. And opened up a whole line of questioning about how guys and gals needs in a relationship..

How much would you spend on a gift? the most?
Girls are easy to impress, they are a sucker for surprises. What can we do, to have them feel "wow"ed??
Why don't guys like phone calls?
How to communicate with gals? sometimes they're expectations are unreasonable..
Do guys always have to pay for meals +everything else? the shopping?


I was planning to be in bed by the stroke of midnight.. But, oh well, was out until 4am.

Embarking

Its a couple of days into the new year, a clean slate, an opportunity for new milestones. I trained my first school *phew* It was such a whirlwind! It was an amazing time to stretch beyond my comfort zone, get down and dirty with the work I've been waiting months to start on..

I must agree that training is by no means and easy feat. 2 days into training, I work up twice in the middle of the night worryin g if I had overslept. The next day I dreamt about training kids and all the other trainers were there giving me feedback. I would say training itself has been terribly fun. The east view pupils were a joy to work with. Although they could tell that I was slightly nervous.

After those 3 days, there are many areas that I know I need to work on, one being my very annoying pause fillers. I need to work on connecting more with each batch of pupils too. I'm taking it step by step. Lastly I'm going to have as much fun as I can tmr!!!

There is really so much I need to learn reach the calibre of the "greats".. lol.. It's all about the right strategies and striking it out on my own.

I'm looking forward to the next leg of my career.

Resolution

Before the year gets into full swing, here's my resolution for 2009

Believe me.. I had the very strong urge to SMMARTen up this list, but I resist.

In 2009, I Trina Swee commit to..
1) Spending more time and heart on family
2) Exercising 3 times a week
3) Learn Mandarin
4) Go on a mission trip
5) Pick up photography
6) Do more than what is expected of me
7) Keep my room tidier
8) Remember my friends Birthday and Celebrate them
9) Read 3 books a month
10) Be more spontaneous
11) Laugh with the girls
12) Attend POE
13) Go on a trip with friends
14) Learn how to do online shopping
15) Play Lan
16) Be less critical, and listen more
17) Remember that I am capable

On the verge of something, possibly something good
catch the over thinking
Run with the punches
Call the shots and wonder the eventuality
God willing, maybe something decent
Stop the brooding and waiting in the dark
Life is passing us by

I'm now standing at the edge of the rest of my life, wish I had a roadmap right about now.
So what if I get it wrong, right? I'll just make a U-turn and start over.

There is no prizes for guessing what movie I watched today... YESMAN
for all the regrets that I have in my life, I was always one to say Yes
so I guess there is no reason to be moody

I just can't give anyone a good reason why I said that one No. I am no closer to figuring out why. Its too late to be screaming Yes. don't think it wants to be heard anyway. I'm looking forward, a very fearful and nervous forward. Progress! finally..