Staring at the office clock

its still office hours, but no one but me in my section of the office. Well unless you count my supervisor over the msn as a person. Its like she was almost here.

My head hurts, and I have caugth Ping En's cough. My head is racing.. but to or from what I don't know, all I can say is I want to lie down and rest.

My eyelids are heavy, almost painful with the urge to sleep
my head is steering, steering in every direction but to no where in particular
My files, books are piling up around me, its like they have cornered me into a checkmate
The club music on my itunes doesn't lighten the mood,
if anything everything feels more tense, almost cold
I am sitting alone, but there is not quiet
I forgot to breathe, but the gasp of air does not quench my restlessness
I am wasting the time away till the whistle blows to cloak out
though I want to do work, I know that even if I did
I'm spending more time spacing

There is so many things to do, but only one me
what am I to do.

so NOT Humpty Dumpty

I like to think that there is a plan for me, and today I see the glass as half full.
I hope for more days like these.
Though my heart aches, it is pleased to see how far I've come in the last weeks
I am slowly letting go of the handle bars of anger, fear and loneliness
Now its all about strength to move forward
and the possibilites are endless.
I'm smiling, i'm feeling all girly

Work is winding down on a tuesday. A breath of fresh air.
Smiling from ear to ear again
and I will have my dinner warm today
at an hour just like all the "normal" people

I'm listening to Jason Maraz and bobbing
like a crazy idiot, I hope fannie don't mind

If there were insecurities, they are on a holiday
I am nervous to see what is going to happen next
Its no longer que sarah sarah, I am going to define my destiny
or so they say
I will keep at it to make things happen for me.

Where will I be in a year, 5 years
gosh the anticipation
before I get carried away,
I have to go home for dinner
Off work, GO HOME!

I'm not as Techie as some ppl to put up mp3s on my blog.. I do it the low tech way. This song eats away at my soul. This is how I feel.


"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

its the end of the all a long work project and Its feeling good.
I'm fucking tired yet there is work to get done. However while trying to upload something my bro got irritated that i totally stole all his bandwidth. So i am stuck not doing work. my head hurts.


its a sigh of relief that one thing comes to a close
it a wave goodbye to the people that i've met and paths crossed
till again we greet,

welll... i 'm just really tired.
hehe

its a funny thing

Love...
for as long as my blogs documents I realise now that all I write about is how sad, lost, broken I feel about being out on love, in love, heart-broken. I guess that was the healthiest of things. Habouring on this has lead to my total breakdown. And I will pay for this for so long as I choose. If I had my way that would be a long time.

So now I promise to write about happy things along with the sad things, not just on this blog but also in my life - To put more balance back in it. I had to lose my baby to learn this, and that has been a high price for such a simple lesson.

I am not denying that I am sad but to acknowledge that there are parts of my day that makes me happy. I have to learn to grow that feeling to last throughout the day. To indue course, be able to stand on my own, because I cant remember when was the last time I did. Although I think many people will beg to differ, poor andrew suffered the brunt of it. And up until know I still depend on him as well as Cass to get through my day.




Real soon
my sorrow will fade
real soon
I will no longer crave
to gaze at you while you sleep
and hold your hand as I cross the street

Real soon
I will walk alone
real soon
I would have learnt to fall
to smile again in the summer rain
tell stories about my fears and pain

All I wish is to hear you sing, to feel you head against mine
and till that day though it'll unlikely to happen
I will not cry, no I wont cry anymore

Real soon
hope this ache will fade
real soon
I will find my way
to remember where I came from
and hold on to today

I can't make up my mind, if I want you to be in my life
though it feel so good, and I know its real
we chose to leave it behind.

Real soon
i wont make those mistakes
real soon
there'll be more happy days
I'm sorry for all that happened to us
i miss you still today

Starting Over

You find advise in all the strangest places...

I was carrying this Inside Golf magazine on saturday.. Yup .. GOLF...
anyway.. I opened it and this is what the editor said...


Redefining oneself has its risk and rewards. But of the ultimate goal is to reach a level greater than the one before, then it is a risk worth taking.


So here I am back at the beginning. And its 7.30 and I am just finished at the office. God I need a strong cocktail. But as it is I am all alone on that. Feeling all alone.

hyperventilating

so here is the low down..

I'm into my 3rd week at IMSG. For those who don't know.. I'm working at a PR consultancy.

Anyway.. So far its been pretty good. Joyce has been a great help showing me the ropes. Well considering how hectic it has been around here I've been doing pretty okay. I might be the NOOB but there is another guy who has been there 2 months who has todo a tonne more sai kang than me. He has been getting shit since I've been around. I am thankful that THAT is not me.

But today after getting a thrashing from Auntie (she's my boss) for not knowing how to use the scanner's Stitch function.. I didn't know it until today either..

SO.. they haven't told me yet.. But he jus quit!!! SHIT!!!!

I'm not afraid for my life...

If he's not there.. I'm now the double NOOB..

I'm in for shit...

The Gods must be cruel...

so here I am doing the best I can with what I have to complete my work
work has been fun yet grueling, my head hurts but my heart is in it.

It just crazy how many times the name Andrew has been coming up at work. Its not funny anymore, its getting annoying. It tugs at my heart. First the first and up-coming event I am doing for Penfold has 2 speakers. Both of their names are Andrew... what are the odds of that?

So most if not all of my dealings revolve around these people and talking about them.. then to add to that, I'll be dealing with the media a lot. Just this week I had to courier something to Primetime Morning and I wrote the address on the envelope. And there it was.. Caldecott Broadcast Centre, ANDREW road, S(299939) yup I remember the address.. my head hurts...

And there it is.. andrew might not be in my life, but hell.. life in not allowing me to put him out of my mind.