so i'm really tired.. and feeling rather queesy..
yesterday was.. i guess.. interesting.. is the only way to put it...
must admit that the party was rather empty...
but it was a good change to the crowded clubs...
was kinda pleasantly surprised to see some familar faces
but dunno if i should have gone to rouge instead with bao...

hanging out with lynn is really something i havent done in a long time..
both she and i needed it...
well.. she's still in bed...
snoozing away all that booze i fed her...
hats off to jinghong "jie mei!".. bm.. n eugene..
its really too bad that they couldnt enjoy themselves..

didnt really do a lot of dancing.. honestly.. i was more there for the booze...
havent drank in a long time..
felt like i needed some.. hehe

i shall describe the furniture of what was their makeshift club to ya another time.. chao!

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

What kind of blogger are you?

i don't view myself like that.. well i think the test has limited answers.. for one thing i dont think i'm very insightful.. afterall my entries are limited to very selfish topics.. well that jus happenes when you use blog as a miny dumping ground..

i've had this blog for a year now.. how time flies.. i think this blog has been a god sent.. as i look back this year has been strewn with ups and downs.. and this year has been a magor growing process for me.. n these entries help me through my self-reflecion...

Whisper

Your voice echoes through the passages
emptiness and musty air
yet I feel your presence
in every raindrop against the window pane
in the wind as it strokes the hair from my eyes
I'll give anything to have things differently


bleah.. he's left.. sobz.. guess three weeks ain't that long.. well.. whatever it is.. i'm sad.. though i know i shouldn't be.. can't help myself..

dreary exams...

so i'm almost through my exams.. one week.. they weren't that bad.. but dont expect super resuls frm me.. i'm aiming for passes.. though i think i might fail my math.. i guess that tolerable.. the week has been long.. n kinda roller-coasterish.. but i know i'll make it through.. jus one last paper.. bio.. bleah.. i know nuts about it.. been freaking ages since i attended any of the lectures.. but its next week.. so have to plenty plenty study.. afterall i'll have loads of time...

Right here waiting...

Oceans apart

Day after day

And I slowly go insane

I hear your voice

On the line

But it doesn't stop the pain

I see you next to never

How can we stay forever

Wherever you go

Whatever you do

I will be right here waiting for you

Whatever it takes

Or how my heart breaks

I will be right here waiting for you

*rarh*

tmr is my first exam.. but.. i've been focusing all my energy on this ts practical that i dont have energy to do much else.. my e lang is in shambles.. n the exam for that is 2 days away.. i'm freaking screwed.. i seriously have to buck up.. i'm not even thinking about my other papers yet... freak!!

better go hit the buks... wahaha.. cant wait for it to be over...

control freak

i woke from the wrong side of the bed
a bad dream
reality gone without a trace
the world in colours of
black, reds and brown
swirling into a dizzy blur
lost under my skin
my minds jigsawed
like frankinstein's pet dog
me, violated and disfigured
by your gentle caress
soft against the harsh truth
of your purpose on this wasteland
i comprehend violent gurgles
all i feel, hear, see
is darkness and pain
your pain and mind
bleed your tender touch
you numbed from our body
weep those beady eyes
till they roll out onto the streets
and get crushed on the side of your car
my nails are ingrown
brown and decaying
my powdery skin torn
scared by your jealousy and rage
voice swallowed whole
a black bottomless hole
till the depths of no return
nothing left of limbs but stumps
beautiful perfect little stumps
tattooed into my side are your vicious lies
eating my flesh alive!
as i dig in deep to find only maggots worms
no organs to whole me together
my destruction your one true goal
burnt from drinking your acidic perfection
i'm scared beautiful
etched till my contours glow dark rings
beautiful in your eyes
and only yours
my mascara smeared tears
no sign of my flawlessness

my life, fuck it
listen.. no you're not listening
is it nothing you hear!?

of course theres nothing..
i don't make a sound

have you forgotten..
oh! i'm sorry there was nothing to

now i truly understand
why i hate you so much
a dumbass who took your advice
why i'm angry at myself
release me from your vice

think i'm ranting
mark this date
i hate you, hate you
and from here on its too late

cos nice girls never get noticed
cos my charity u squandered

i want to hurt you
by hurting what you love
i'm going to break me
shatter her into tiny pieces
she never going to be the same

so take one good last look
she's history...

..

baby... what's wrong with you
you're not the girl i knew
do you need my comfort?

no one knows you like a stranger can

i receieved an email yesterday.. notifying me that someone had left a comment on my blog.. strangely enough.. this person.. is from norway.. strangely enough.. his/her msg meant a great deal.. on an ordinary basis i would have brushed it off.. but been feeling really crappy lately.. and his words were strong n i don't know.. struck a core.. so.. thanks friend..!

i'm in blame myself mode... ahh

it's my fault...
how could i have been so blind, cold and oblivious.. never would i have thought it would spiral to this.. i'm sorry.. you're too young.. oh so naive.. you're making a big mistake.. i should have told you.. been your listening ear.. but its too late.. you don't listen.. you say i'll never understand..

so explain it to me.. at least try..

i will never understand.. you have been deserting us for them.. annoyed that we breathe down your back.. we don't trust you.. n yet mother sent you packing to the US.. i'll never get it..

Its always in a times of loneliness that people express and reminisce of love. A feeling lost and barely out of reach. A memory vivid yet never quite enough.. for you say love is an eternal presence.. one who has walked out of your life.. leaving you shattered.. your heart aching.. and you've forgotten why you bother waking up each morning.. no one understand this void you feel.. the pain..

flickers

can't decide between
a moment ago it was
now its all wrong
just yesterday
my thoughts were
clear settled
no longer affirmed
and terribly torn

can't chose halfway
can't chose at all
both has its beauty
each a flaw
can i pass judgement
which is right?

just 24 hours ago.. i was fretting over my silly bio essay.. n the lost of my dear departed wallet.. haha.. sounds so stupid now..

my essay is due friday.. n i'm glad i've finished it.. wass suppose to get it done so i wont need to do it in hall...

as for my wallet.. well.. i left it on saturday on the dining table when i came back from issac's home.. then didnt leave the house with it.. even on sunday to mass.. ariel can attest to that.. he had to pay for breakfast.. haha...

only figured out it went missing on monday.. it was pouring ousside like it has been for the last 2 weeks.. but this time.. tim was draggin me out to coffee bean in the freaking rain... n i couldnt find my wallet... spend 1/2 an hour turning the house inside out.. ended leaving the house without it.. erm.. some how.. walking around without my wallet was very unsettling...

so aniwae.. the wallet fiasco ended this morning when aunty tina found it.. UNDER the BED.. AHH.. n i looked there too lor... hmm... yea.. but not before i spent an entire hour yesterday night looking for it.. i even tried the car.. the attic.. in boxes that i havent opened in months.. i was that desperate.. ask tim.. mom.. anione in the house.. i was whinning my butt off.. haha.. itt all seems so funny now.. its all good...

yea.. i finished my essay.. took me the entire weekend.. to think its only 10 marks... bleah..