As I get older my perspectives shift. It doesn't make me a different person does it? I'm older and bolder, having made the mistakes or was left wanting and regretting.. I relish each moment and chance on opportunities

while I danced and had a blast, I wonder for how long more can I live and party like this. I know I don't do it too often but.. yea.. I'm over thinking it aren't I.

I met Lionel for supper a couple nights back and admitted to him that there was this cute guy on the train that I almost gave my number to. Gosh how would someone react if I did actually have the balls to do that.

Lionel makes some very valid points. Thanks for wanting to help a girl out.

partying yesterday did however make me realise a lot about guys, well.. I can't say I didn't already know it. But I didn't put 2-2 together.

Lionel, I don't agree that clubs are the place to meet guys. At least not the ones that would respect me,woo me and like me for me.

Clubs are a fast-paced, emotional desert of grinding and raging hormones.. you should have seen the fresh meat just out of tekong that were hanging with us. Boy do I want to give them a good one.

Instead of heading home as promised, I stayed behind.
and in that time I realised, the wrong was mine
with your guidance, it brings new clarity
helping me to do as I feel more readily

and if I were so bold as to tell you how I feel
maybe it'll not have gone unspoken, unsaid

i've been training since the morning and yes, I should be appreciative, but I am really fatigued too...

I look forward and I look to you

I take a step back from myself,
a frozen frame in the sand of time
and I watch myself fall into spaces
and unwitting places
watching and hoping that I have the strength to do right my you.

All I want to do is to do as I feel.
and when put in the spot,
over and over, I do the easy thing
and not what my heart say.

darling girl, haven't you learnt your lesson
I know you want to go with the flow
but, strength is doing the right thing even when its difficult.

in the places that I need, I pray for serenity,courage and wisdom to know the difference.

All I hope is that I do right by me.

Is there ever a good enough reason to fall,
Must there even be an explanation
When all else makes no sense
yet the feelings are immense
I find nowhere else to turn, but you

don't give up on love just yet
I believe you deserve the best
I know you hurt and nothing feels like it can make amends


Its getting lonely, and sometimes its hard not to keep the tough front. I don't want to idle no more, neither do I want to be too hasty.

I feel that the bar was set to high, and I don't ever think I'd be lucky enough to meet someone would take the time to get to know me. I don't ask for romantic gestures nor fairytale notions, they exist in a world far beyond what I can take.

Being ordinary, asking for extraordinary is not my deal. Just someone who I could love and care for.. for now..

mercy is always a source of epitomes.

If i was comatose and woke up after 10 years, what would I remember..

I half expected myself to say something like my ex. or something along those lines. However nothing really definitive really comes to mind.

I'd definitely have my loving family on the list...

Yup, that is utmost.


dodge the questions and avoid the subjects
hope silence trumps the uneasiness
through the rain, and through the wire
what I do ain't how I feel
yet I go with the flow, afraid to loose what I got
I timidly cower in cloudy notions,
admitting only to an out of body experience
and can' accept, yet I do nothing
and let it happen, over and over and over
what kind of a person does that
why would I let that happen, even when I don't want to
don't ever put yourself in that position
that way avoid facing up to it
because facing only hurts

many moons ago, I told someone, I love you.
and in response, i was told, I can't say that yet.
I didn't know what that was. the L word.
and it came, then it went
and don't ever.. I say ever.. tell me that its forever.
Because somewhere lost and in my past I believed you
and in a fit of silliness, reciprocated
and I am paying that price.

I'm back to the beginning. I never deserved you.