Its not so bad

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

I am never good with good byes, they always come out iffy. They are never the teary eyed scenes like in the soaps, but thats okay. I'm a bit lost without you but thats only nature. I hope that you are doing well, I hate to know where you are, cause I know it will hurt. And from your words, it sounds like this day is long overdue. I'm heart broken that it was never as wonderful as it seemd and I'm glad that I dropped it all and leave now. I'm sorry for your despair, I pray you find someone to help you through. Lastly I apologise that i'm the cause of all your sorrow. Good bye.

to turn over a new leaf.

its besides the point, to understand how I feel right now. What is the use, saying it with the eloquence of my heart when no one would understand be it myself. As I ponder over lives' questions albeit the effort I've put in, will I ever be satisfied. I'm speakingof the undeniable truth thatman kind is selfish in its purposeas am I in my actions. With each gesture is calculated schema a unrelinquishing desire for benifit over cost.

Is my thirst this same thirst, or do Iie to you that I run on altruism and love. Is this what I want to believe or am I intrinsicly such but piecing the clues to fit MY puzzle. I want to do everything at once and nothing all at the same time. I wantto bear my soul but my soul bearing leads to dust. I want to cry but if no one ever sees me cry what is the use. As I bear to you all now, Is this a sign of desperation or an act of attention.

Its high time I had a overhaul,not just to bury the hatchet but to make you flip in your grave, like toss salad, see where it settles. I think I've stuck mysself inone too many ruts and let myself collect mould while on sabadical.

To end of a season with a new beginning, New promises, new resolutions, new commitments, new governence over my life.

good bye for now...

I know I havent been around for a long time.
Well but cult season is over it shall be a loong time before I experience another RAH RAH, bear my soul, cry me a river,joy from the smile on PAN CHEE'S face . I end off this season with a lot of memories to last. Its a feeling of closing a chapter of my life. For those you do not know it yet. This season that ended shall be my last, it shall never be my last camp but jun 2006 marks the end of my involvment on such a level. I'm leaving the nest, and will take with me all the lessons in being a better person, the friends, the tears, the laughter...

Like Evelyn said AK is a lot like IJ and thats why I keep coming back.. It really feels like home..

At least for now I still have reasons to go back each week...

i didn't die

for the first in a long time I managed to dream, funny that i should describe it as surreal. Itwas like having a conversation with myself, listening to me voaclise all my opinions was awkardly comforting. Its been a long time that I've allowed myself to be off guard. Work has been piling up on me and I'm glad that those two hectic weeks are over now I can pamper my body and nurse it back to health. Regin the use of my voice, as i cant quite recall how I use to sound like anymore.

I can consider SK2 one of my most memorable camps, I learnt an important lesson that some things are simply beyond my control and I have to let it take its course and it will eventually workout. Its about a little faith and trust in others.

I cant get angry at the way others work just because its different from my own, I'm sorry for raising my voice.

As for letting Yenling go, It was a tough decision to make, one that I put a lot of thought into. I'm just disappointed that people do not bother to hear the whole story and side her. I guess its not a common sight to let ppl go in akltg but it was something I had to do. If only you knew. To those that I'm angry at, I wish to talk to you and explain, when you are ready.

for now i'm glad to be home away from it all.