my goldfish bowl

i am tempted to
shall i?
then how can i answer to everyone else
disappear yes?
i love it here
do i leave my comfort zone
has it become too much of a routine
its as if i've become
a goldfish in a bowl
it erks
thing is..
they're never gonna get it
cos i'll never tell
its their happiness over mine
for that is the true order of thing
this compromise
brings true balance
its for the greater good..
only i'm unhappy
its a worthwhile scarifice
so i'll stay
n be quiet

Hermit

...
out grown the shell
with no place
its world vulnerable
and under much stress
its transition is crucial
cos its when its most weak
just it against the world
no strings
no bars
stark naked
the elements showing
no mercy
fighting off
something too big
only dwindles
its energy
slowly shriveling
and blown away
dust in the wind

"I Feel So"

boxcar racers

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over
Let's start over

elixar

blood a boiling
the cauldron brew
a drangon's tail
a mountain dew
stirr it well
time it rite
one faint mistake
will start a fight
the quant crucial
concentration must
if a were to fail
dire consequence
the fate
rest on this potion
to have to hold
till faith faulters
n rivers run dry

violated...

reflections blurred
thoughts all stirred
is it something that was said? done?
do i deserve such a fate
say i'm lucky
watch me cry
shower me with diamonds n jewels
i rather die
i need
a friend
not this
it gets lonely here
but looking in
i no longer recognise what i see
identity stripped
soul replaced
no longer belonging to
but aimlessly wondering
m i too pained to except change
or too angry and rash
could it be i'm rite all along
and everything else in this world is wrong
how could that truly be
y is my body under such scrutiny

...
Z H A D C E L S H C I M
I E N H O J U D E R A J
J N R V U C O N I E W L
O I Y O R R E L J V E S
S C E A X G S T E I R Y
H H M L U M I T R L D H
U O W E R D N A E O N T
A L Y N U J N M M A A O
L A Q O Z I E C Y O I M
A S U I R A D R B E S I
R K O L B N B U N A I T

is it my business to care
what is happening around me
all i want to care about is myself
must i feel guilt when i'm selfish
afterall its a dog eat dog world
out there, people are going to brush you off like dirt

could someone lie about something
that even he starts to believe in this lie
could the truth hurt so much
even the thought of it
gets you retreating back into your shell
being in denial is better than admitting defeat

loneliness is your truest friend
a faithful companion like your dark shadow
he might make you cry and prove you worthless
live off your misery
nevermind that the world seems to go on without you
everyone is too caught up in their own worlds to care

Amara

a spand of 3 days i'll never forget...
so much fun...!!!
but its a real pity that not everyone
made it..
we have got to get everyone!
next time!
i can really tell that we're all bums at heart.. lol

i will never understand y you think as such...

never
run to me whenever your lonely
stop inflicking pain
suffering in silence
scarring yourself
your not alone in this world
why put yourself through
the torture
run to me when you need a shoulder
dun say that i'll never understand
you don't know me
i'm always here
sitting, watching, waiting
you shouldn't have done
what you did
but its too late now
forgive, forget
move on
stop dwelling
on mistakes
though it
gave you solace
to numb your qualms
distractions to be
without a care
as it gave you
darkness to cherish the light
pain to appreciate pleasure
promise me
you'll never do this
to yourself again..
if not..
i rather you go to hell..

moved in

...

two weeks ago
i was broke
n very much outta luck
but by some twist of fate
chanced upon this perfect apartment
its small..
n crummy..
but i saw so much potential
i had to get it..

two weeks on
and after a new coat of paint
n some cheap furniture
its finally my first night
in my own cosy home
but as i stare at these four walls
something is amiss
my perfect image..
of my little cosy home
crumbles before my very eyes...

the floor board were rotting
they creaked with every step
a leaking faucet kept me up
the ceiling was shedding skin
crazes was forming across my walls
no paint could hide those..

Always remember

...

Always remember to forget
the things that made you sad
but never forget to remember
the things that made you glad

Always remember to forget
the friends that proved untrue
but never forget to remeber
those that stuck by you

Always remember to forget
the troubles that have passed away
but never forget to remember
the blessings that come each day

missing child

...
i've been sitting here
waiting your return
i have been told that
there's no point
you chose to run away
and your never coming home

i've sat here
for forever
wanting to heard some news
nothing, absolutely nothing
but i still havent giving up
on this somewhat hopeless situation

i've prayed for strength
and god's intercession
well.. no news is good news..
it's been so long
i'm afraid i'll forget
your face, anything about you

i've left everthing
just where you left them..
wishing you might walk in
thats its all a bad dream
warm me with your smile
make things like they were

strangely enough..
i didnt seenm to have anything to blog about for the last week
wonder if thats good or bad...
or even healthy
its times like this...
i'm shocked that i didnt have a blog earlier..

Avril Lavigne!! new video!! really nice!!!

"Don't Tell Me"

You held my hand and walked me home I know
While you gave me that kiss it was something like this it made me go ooh ohh
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go?
Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love
Guys are so hard to trust
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl?
The one who gives it all away

[Chorus:]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck
Will get you in my pants I'll have to kick your ass and make you never forget
I'm gonna ask you to stop, thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset
Get out of my head get off of my bed yeah thats what I said
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl, the one who, throws it all away

[Chorus]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

This guilt trip that you put me on won't, mess me up I've done no wrong
Any thoughts of you and me have gone away

[Chorus]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

Better off that way
I'm better off alone anyway

update...

mon
went to work...
with EM3 kids from pioneer pri...
all of us found it very hard to click with them...

tues
we scolded the kids like crazy
they are still so naughty..
after btw..
wow...
but didnt last long..

wed..
last day..
i've lost count of the no. of up downs they did...
lol
left early...
went to meet esther n her friend jas
China black
with minjeong joyce albert esther n her friends
met aviel..
had a blast
got home at 3

thurs..
went to ECP
with shing
kayaked n bladed..
met aviel again..
ate a lot of mc donalds...
was supper pooped..
slept!
went to eat supper with
gary gerald cecilia cheryl
met ariel..
was on the phone..
slept at 3

good friday..
mass
then met materal extended family at
sicc
bowled a pathetic 96 pins
karaoked...
then ate dinner.
had chilli crab... yum..!

sat
met SW..
b4 that went to SMU
haned up my papers..
then to collect my MD
ate at minsi's place a mango mambo
then to SWENSENS
wow... EARTHQUAKE!
talked at the esplanade..

SUN
did cheshire this morning..
was feeling all sweaty n gross at easter mass..
had yihou!!! missed her so much!!
watched everwood...
n a whole string of other shows...!!

phew.. wat a week..

Do i love you because your beautiful..??

...
Do I love you because you're beautiful,
or are you beautiful because I love you?
Am I making believe I see in you
a girl too lovely to be really true?

Do I want you because you're wonderful,
or are you wonderful because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream
or are you really as beautiful as you seem?

Am I making believe I see in you
a man too perfect to be really true?
Do I want you because you're wonderful,
or are you wonderful because I want you?
Are you the sweet invention of a lover's dream
or are you really as wonderful as you seem?