I couldn't hate you, even if I wanted to. How screwed up is that. I feel all those feeling bubbling to the surface and it get me thinking about all those years ago when you did everything you could, And I should return the favour and do all that I can too. I guess that's all the falling that I'll have to do.

Most to most, I'd have to pick up the pieces.

I am gonna uphold my half, I'd be there for you come hail or high waters. And though I might not be there in the capacity I hope for. It shall never matter. I guess its my turn to watch from the sidelines.

Can't promise forever, but I'd try.

I heard its piano intro, and it was love at first sound.



And after learning to play it, and the countless times watching it. It serves as reflection.

the dichotomy of wants. when how you feel is betrayed by every bone in your body.

should I be gullible and believe contrary to all that has been. And hope that maybe luck just hasn't been aligned. It deserves a fair chance to all play out. Or maybe let hope die, for when it does, it too will lead to answers.

you must let hope die.
I see things much more clearly. though it makes me want to run.

this is one of the many reasons that I couldn't let you see.. Here's to a leap of faith.


"has there been anybody who knew just the right things to say, at the right time
walk you home, after you had walked him home
listen to you rant and grabbed you so hard that all the hurt went away
someone whom you would tickle just so you could get close to him
we use to talk, go out for beers, just us two
hang out with me for breakfast
share pains, and simple pleasure, double the good news and hug away the bad
he's been there, and I've been there for all his highs and lows..
school. friends. army. uni. work
and suddenly I have this chance, that I never had before,
now just to hold on till he comes up for air."

This week has been a whirlwind. theme being trust. Who Do I trust? who should I trust? I'm not so sure about good intent anymore.

On hindsight things always look simpler. Context and clarity gives the issue dimension; decreasing the salient of what was once a very tumultuous time, or so I thought.

My mantra this week is.. K.I.S.S - a page out of "How Starbucks changed my life". Keep it Simple, Stupid! And when I do, I realise that complexity is just an excuse in disguise. I would have never have guessed it would have come from there of all places. I feel just as hurt. Maybe not. This time, I caught myself.

I'm getting tired. Its getting arduous. And worst still, all I do, I am getting burned.

Sometimes I beat myself down about the lives I could be, would have been leading. But girl, get a life.

What I am saying here is, it my turn to get muddled, to unmuddle then say "it's simple. Goodbye."

How I feel today

i didn't realise that I have been filling my days with activities. GMAT, WA, friends, books, Meeting, Trainings, Travelling. There are so many other things i still want to do. Dance, more travelling, making money, pilates..

i guess there is more to do..

I catch myself thinking of better things
no longer worried about
though nothing has changed
everything moved in vibrant hues
looking forward to seeing you