coming up for air

Everything turned a shade of sepia, it was as if time stood still. Leaning into, after one too many. We had to catch up with the gravity of that moment. Nothing else mattered. There was honesty, fear, hope all rolled and intertwined. Thank you courage, maybe it's time to come up for air.

Now that we're a little older, a little wiser and a tad more picky. Back in the day, the thrill was getting into the club and doing our best not spend a dime on cover or drinks.

Yup, the wonders of Ladies' Night. Those many Wednesdays spent at the now defunct China Black.

Friday was a blur of partying. A snapshot of how partying has morphed into. With a little more buying power, an acquired taste and the insistent to have fun. Bottles reserved, covered comped. Drinks are free flow, Alcohol aplenty friends of friends of friends makes the partying bustling. No worries about being taunted about our embarrassing dancing or R&B grinds.

do you ever remember the first time you got your heart broken.

It wasn't a momentus occasion. I don't even remember if I cried. I wasn't even thinking about it until just moments ago. A distant figment really.

I may not remember a lot of dates, but I remember this one. It's all coming back..

I wasn't rejected, neither was I left by the waist side. But I left broken, the words cutting me deep. promising not to open my heart.

So when life took its course, and the timing became convenient. As hard as I tried, I was filled with resentment and anger, leaving no space to love.

That's the glory of love.

letters to Juliet made me reflect on my life, my regrets, my fears. Also my opportunities, my experiences and adventures.

I mutter the serenity prayer under my breath and fingers and toes crossed that when I see you, I can. What and if. 2 very simple words, but when put together could haunt you for eternity. "What if?"

i believe in a time and place, in design and a dash of fate. And hope to relinquish my fears to trust fervently. Yet many times, these feeling elude me and I am left in a strand.

though I would agree that things have turned for the better, and many a thanks to wonderful people who might not care if I exist, people that I crave to know and understand and seek understanding. Things that I will not ever be able to request for. mush lest receive.

will saying it really help. will letting others know how I feel make any difference.

I have this worry that I may self destruct. I feel it bubbling to the surface.

a blast from the past, knocked me off my feet and into a state of fuddle
and i have told secrets, and I have kept secrets and some I understand will stay behind my own privacy settings. As much as I want to let you in to share in that. There lies secret about you and things I feel are better held by blinders. I maybe will, after 1 too many whiskeys.. might lean into the night. On second thoughts.. unlikely.


there was a cool breeze running through my hair, the day bloomy but the that all right. I'm bundled up indoors. safely. Till I unfuddle I'll FYI.

sometimes you can make all the plans in the world, but it backfired and causes a resentment so deep and so raw that nothing. no explaination. no logic. no peace can fill that angst. Its not your fault or anyone else. Just the over zealous thinking of the task at hand. When that happens, expectations lead to breakdown.

the last few days have been excellent lesson in surrender. and all will turn out well. My friends, thank you for showing me that love comes easily.

There are many things that I regret in my life, you aren't one of them. When I see you, I hope that we'll both be friends. And in the meantime, I wish that life treats you well and heal the wounds that we've left to dwell, only time will tell.

Maybe in another lifetime, in another time. When we were younger, foolish and naive. Maybe it was reality or tales of make belief. In the depths of my heart was truth. And truth that didn't set me free. That sometimes, love isn't enough. And love is you.