I thought that reading about them would make me feel tense.. but instead it makes me smile. True, it doesn't make it less hard, but it gets easier with each day.

Its the permission I need to let it all go. Today I finally found myself free of the cage that I trapped myself in. Just last week I caught myself thinking.. where have I been all this time.

Seeing people happy makes me want to be happy too. But Remember darling, that's not a good enough reason to jump the gun.

They both are more perfect for each other, I like that about them. I see him giving her so much leeway, some that I never got. I think that's really precious.

I look forward to someday where I too can have something good. Maybe soon. Maybe.


Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me.

don't say I didn't try

but think I bit off more than I can chew
its not my fight either way, and I really do not know what am I to do.

I shouldn't have agreed to anything. All I should have done is act dumb.

And in the end I get hurt

And more than anything reaffirms that relationships are a waste of time.
They are meant to hurt you.. the final emotion is always hurt.

I feel like shit now. phff what a way to end my mental weekend.

Maybe someday I will understand it all..


its like waking up, pain
turmoil of past so fearful, its roots were severed and burnt
soot that stings the eyes and stains your tears
I fear you. the lost I feel inside, the souless justified
and I speak words of trepidation, aa angst revelation

I walked with you before
nights so long ago
where we held hands and got lost
I thought we were, unexplainable
a pull so unexplainable

and I feel every heart string tear at its seams
for all I did was run without a cause
and I see the painful reminder
as I go about my day,
its so unexplainable
its not at all attainable

I walked down this road before
maybe without you this time
loneliness and moonlight as my guide
I thought it was, unexplainable
a pull so unattainable

wish he was here now.. but I wont get to just yet. I know now that its all payment for today and what I had to do. there is no need to feel bad, and its just time to toughen up

begging for more Mercy

i'm going to spend it quietly
pass by like the soft breeze
and maybe smile as I stare blankly
or like they say smile to myself and look on at the world
go on and laugh if you must

its what I want to do
and with each step, let it be closer to you
and in this moment all I can see is
a possibility, a intermittent vision
and its driving me crazy
but I can't deny that its happening to me

*PS - my new fav TV series is Mercy!!!

in the end..

Anthem of the week. I've always loved the song since someone loaded it into my mp3 player.

I won't give up till its over.

And when its over, its just the beginning of something new. Anticipation was my silent killer and now anticipation is dead.

It like removing rose tinted glasses. love. friendship. assertion. honesty. ambition.

True it has felt me blinded, my heart worn on my sleeve. But I guess its better than not having loved at all.

I got home today after a really long day of work.. I had been tired and stretched from just the length of training and the strain and toil it took to keep the students engaged. I barely ate dinner, I stared for many hours at the telly to unwind.. not to mention I played with daddy's new toy.. An Ipod docket..

Just last week I was at Mustafa eyeing one with Kenneth, but in the end decided against buying it..

And at the end of the day I got to my room.. and under my pile of pillows.. was an Ipod docket... one just for me :)

My Daddy and Mommy are the best. I didn't ask for one, but they really went out of their way to make my MONTH!!!. I am blessed to have them.