as the Season is winding down...

TTP has just ended...
its a great weight lifted off my shoulder... it has been one of the most powerful feedback sessions..
I do care about this group of adorable kids.. and as Amin spoke.. I couldn't help but feel a wave of sadness as he described all the coaches performance as sub par...
And as tears rolled down my eyes... they too began to tear..
And as we began to feedbak to each other.. you can feel their sincerity and gratitude for each other and for wanting to improve for the better.

I look forward to an amazing day 5...

Welcome to my life!

I am taking a breather from Superkids camp to pen down how much of a whirlwind the last 2 months have been...

After listening to btw.. i realised that I havent been HOME.. I mean ya I have been home to change my clothes and sleep when I was doing SK 2 and IAG2.. but I did only come home at 2 am in the morning on most days...
And now that is done, I am in Indonesia for the second time this month for another 3 camps...
its been weeks since I have spent time withmy mother.. well I squeezed and afternoon of chat time with her in the days between flying off to medan and the end of IAG...

Well.. i havent been meeting up with the girls lately... my apologies!!! I miss late night suppers.. bridge.. but I guess that things are really never going to be the same now that we all are working and have to earn our keep..

I really get the feeling that my time is not my time anymore and have sold my soul to the rat race...

anyhow.. I miss my family... I always feel that I am wasting time at home.. but really.. at home is the time I get to be rested... i missmy fmaily when we are on trips together especially when we are doing the dishes together or folding the clothes as they come out fresh from the dryer... was just chatting with my brother..., so pathetic.. we have to communicate over the msn.. he's goign to Brunei for training on Monday.. and he said that he hadn't really seen my family while he has been at home.. apparently the house is too big... I dont really miss my home.. I miss the company.. I miss how mommy made us all go out to play at 5pm after cartoons... how we wrecked the furniture by building our own forts in the living room with the sofa pieces... How dad will tell us alll bedtime stories about Sinbad the sailor and King Arthur and the round table.. always adding in characters and elements that we insist on!!

I cant wait to see my parents and do something really great for them... I think I had an amazing childhood.. they did most of it right... Mom , Dad.. I Love you.. i will see you when i get home..

keep my distance

Work was exhausting and by weeks end i began to question why was I here...
Yes, I was surrounded by people that show me tremendous care. Yet in those brief moments that I had alone, I wanted to know how you were doing, what you were you up to and how nice it would be if you were by my side..

I thought of the things that I have said that hurt you, and if you have any place in your heart to forgive me. I truly understand the reasons why you keep your distance, and if it were me, I would probably have done the same.

I could apologise but would it really make a difference? it'll never be back to where it was, I understand it now.. It hurts, I hurt..

I guess its all too late now...

I promise to keep my distance. For your sake and for mine

----------------

maybe it'll stop when I stop thinking
Till it gets replaced by someone new
Living alone seem much more difficult now
I guess thats what living alone really means
now there is no one to disagree with
no one to share this intimate memory
in this space and place and moment
i've lost it all, gained it back and lost it again
hoping that maybe and possibly it wont be

I know I need to let it all go, that now truth and lies
what do they matter
for it's all gone, you're gone
it's all my fault

so I wish for you strength, happiness that i could never have given
love for life that I too am searching for, for all the brokeness that i left you to mend
goodbye my companion...
may I meet you again..

I'm back to where I started..
Smiling back at all the things that I had set out to do
some fell short, others lay broken
safe to say I made it through all in one piece
The next few steps are bound to be trying
I'll lie and tell you that I have them all planned out
for now I happy to go where the wind takes me
Its turing out to be such a enjoyable ride