breathless

I may need you
and i resent that
I hate you.
It's not difficult to understand.
you're ignorant.
and so what if i do as you please
and so i follow your voice
like bible truth
and what do you take me for
a rags to step upon
to wipe dirt off the sand

i guess it's fucking fun
when i grovel like a child
each time I question
you assasinate my spirit
leave me no space to even breathe
i often cry in the dark
my twisted sense of self
n you act like nothing
came between
you cuss at how i've hurt you
fuck off... selfish bitch

i'm super damn tired n i wanna sleep.. damn jetlag.. guess what sucks more is that andrew is in field camp.. rats!! the army sucks... aniwae overall i think new zealand is an okay country.. i much rather singapore.. strangely enough.. i would have died if i had to spend one more day there.. cos the food sucks.. i mean it does have good weather.. great scenery n all.. but big deal about sheep.. n i dont think my family would have lasted much longer in the tiny resort rooms.. high tension.. blah blah blah.. what's new.. my brain aint functioning.. nothing going right... jus wanna curl up in bed n sleep.. *yawn*.. maybe i shall do that.. nothing better to do anywae.. *sigh*

expectations.. disappointment.. breakdown..

hey guys.. i'm half way through my trip.. n though i promised much ppl that i'll bring home a sheep or two i'm afraid i cant.. due to some customs shit... i'm missing home terribly... n my mom has been screaming at us.. cos she doesnt see the point in coming.. cos we dont do much but bum... my point exactly.. *grinz*... so the weather is cold... n i've done a whole bunch.. i'll have the full details in a week when i get home...

more than that.. i'm missing andrew.. bleah.. baby.. i'm sorry i wont be there to recieve you when you come home tmr... wish i was though.. haha.. you've been smoking.. haha.. okie.. jus dont come near me when you get back.. hehe.. kidding.. i love ya all the same... i've got a confession to make as well.. tell ya when i see ya...

well... NZ has given me a lot of time to think esp while travelling... yup.. realised that i've hurt a lot of ppl over the course of the year... n there are still a lot of things i need to learn... haiz.. so i hope to make it up to each n everyone that i've put down.. n shoved aside.. i'm really sorry... i dont know how you all are still able to stand by me.. n be my friend.. thank you...

aniwae.. i',running on a tight schedule here.. so i gtg... take care.. luv ya... *muacks* i'll be home soon.. dont have too much fun without me...

hey peeps... i miss you guys... new zealand is blistering cold for summer... n i'm missing home... craps.. i cant stay long cos.. i've only 9 mins left to in the account... bleah... aniwae... i'm having a great time.. maybe an overdose of family.. but nothing that will cos any permanant damage...

hope you guys havent left me out of anything big.. hehe... miss you guys.. i'll be back on the 22nd... in the afternoon... cya all soon... tata!

come home to me...

i'm so tired and i don't want to leave
baby.. i'm missing you loads
and i'm sorry that i wont be home
to recieve you with open arms
and hold you warm embrace
it hurts that you're so far
i'm strangely lost without you

i'm afraid..
cos my world seems to be crumbling
you always seem to make every right
uncomplicated as i watched you sleep
i've dreamt of you many nights
and it aches to awake to this reality
all i want is to be with you

bittersweet...

i'm leaving tonight...

with her tiny hands she tries
she pushes herself against
the cold glass wall
she presses her face
till the edges frost
she longs to be
over there...
she presses her face so hard
she feel she is almost getting through
but she's right where she started

goodbyes are hard...

no tolerance..

you should have seen me yesterday
in that sorry state..
how embarressing that you had to see
a pale and sicken me
i've been feeling so for days
that was the real? me

this morning came along with
a throbbing i have yet felt
my head screaming
the shame i've done
unto me the cruelest
of thought eating at
gnawing through my weak heart

so last night was to let loose?
i guess so a million answers
brimming to caress my lips..
is it not enough that i miss and want
am powerless in this

i heard something yesterday
so it got me thinking..
so why? there are better
rich rich richer..
y stay needy..
when you can be free...

n according to some ppl i dont make sense..
well.. i'll like to stay this way..

let's just say.. i'm running outta time..
n get back to this later..

what fills my days are thots of you
its strange.. i dream you're back in my arms
i said life would be unbearable
but it just feels really numb..
i'm afraid.. just one more day..

too much can kill...

so i havent blogged about the week...
didnt feel particularly up to it...

aniwae.. exams were killers...
but too bad for the exam..
100 mcq.. my brain was so dry after
i couldnt be bothered to check through
hey i much rather what i did after that..

i finally moved out.. finally
of hall.. the room is really bare now..
and i didnt realise how much stuff i had there..
had to take 3 trips to move
it all into the car...

aniwae.. now to the fun part.. after luch me n mei went shopping!!
n i mean retail therapy kinda shopping..

low down on what i spent..

jeans---------- $39
skirt ----------- $33
top ----------- $18
------------ $13
------------ $16
bag ------------ $83
water bottles $42
denim jacket $79


i havent spent that kinda money in forever.. hehe.. felt great!
well.. these are jus what i can think of off hand.. hmm... my sis spent about just as much.. i have a feeling maybe more...

and today.. did my hair... hehe.. really pretty.. now i've got highlights.. so pretty.. i keep shooshing my hair..