I need a new best friend

my sister wrote that the other day. and I have realised that I don't really have one. Not anymore, not for the longest time.

I do not want to focus on the hurt or the fact that I push them away. And maybe I am angry at them for changing. I too have changed and I can't expect that this will wait while the whole world moves forward.

I miss so many people that I have left behind in my life and sometimes I wonder if I will be seeing them soon, or if ever. And why was I so stupid to hurt them and drive them away. I feel that I am going to keep paying for that for a long time to come.

Of course I do not like the idea but that's what I think. Snap out of it man.

I think that really for the next couple of month, the work will dictate me. and I really need to stay grounded. Man I talk only about work.

Well I really want to dance but I do not even have enough time to think about all the other things that I would really like to do. Maybe a dinner with Minsy there a movie here and a party in my mind

Ram had this really queer conversation with me. a random one about how I should think about my future and the guy that would have to marry me. About how what if he couldn't afford to take me on trips like I am use to? I don't really think that is a big deal

Omg it has been so long since I have been here. I sincerely am hoping that I can keep away.

This place has so many memories, some so stupid and naive that they are to never be forgotten.

Today is one of those days that no matter what, the work seems insurmountable. I wished there was someone to hold to say that everything will turn out fine. But the only comfort is from my ipod and the thoughts of bubble baths and dancing. I am on top of most things just that the dead line is drawing near and worrying about it seems to make me less and less productive.

I achieved the almost impossible. doing the work that other neglected and didn't want and made it happen. For this, I am immensely proud.

Now the mechanics to make it all tie together is resting on my little shoulders. Sometimes I question my purpose and my efforts are they worth the amount of efforts I am putting in. However seeing the rewards does put things all into perspective. I just have to keep to it.