It has been a while old friend, I thought you were asunder. It took not the brokeness for this aha! but instead the firm rejection of everything you had been taught to love. And now on hindsight, your own judgement was not far from fallen but you listened to misguided ghost who promised grandeur and eternities. Stuff of fairytales and fantasies.

He said companion, and I replied that he was misguided and knew not what he spoke of
that in relationship lay a core more profound than I could put into words
that kisses, cuddles and holding hands would make the earth grovel
for what it stood for, words could not suffice
sex. He shouted back, and I froze, my last destroyed it for me, I trailed
and it will never live up to that.

and though at that time I meant that no one could live up to that.. it could, but that would be tough shoes to fill.

but it has since taken on a different meaning all together. And maybe he has a point and I was the foolish one.

don't need fanfare, hugs, acknowledgement. I don't need a label or an arm candy. I don't want just anyone. I don't need someone.

I'm just glad to have you.

there seems to be a rift, and I hope it is not me. I continue to soak up the sun and have fun. Wonder if i'd be forgiven for my grave mistake and its signs are worn away. When you see me, you will see me.

Thank you Sherman..

Sherman say
"youre going to find a guy whos gona make you so happyu
hes gna be mature
and itll be awesome"

when god speaks to you. it feels like a whisper in your heart. It comes with such stillness and clarity there it feels like it has always been there.

I know now what I am suppose to do. Who I am suppose to be, how to grow in god's love.

I think its easier to not get your hopes up, plan too far ahead. It seems disappointing when it does not turn out as you've hoped. Maybe out of all those leaps, one will turn out even better than. Maybe magical. Truly~ something that takes your breath away.

The cynic, piped that you've been caught up in romance and fairy tales. And I secretly hope that this could play out like one of those happily ever afters.

After playing the villain and dashing hopes, now its my turn to be the small fish in the predator's pond.

Was telling Cliff that there is something wrong with me, and he was so encouraging. And I think he has a point.

I seriously have to snap out of this. And accept me. stop looking. be happy :)

Here's! to Smiling back at you.

and when all of the fanfare clears and the crowd is gone, its just gonna be us.

today you help me, i've never asked for help so pathetically before and you offered, out of your way and without hesitation. How do I ever repay that?

Thank you for being there when I needed you most. No questions, and whole-heartly ready to help. Words can't show my gratitude.


Today was a growing day. filled with new experiences and lessons about life and what is important to me. It was truly eye opening.