Blinked

expectations.. disappointment.. breakdown..

A flash back to a time I forgotten when darkness saw me falling and beauty got the better of my senses, a smile saw me drifting farther from the quaint essentials of understanding. A period enraged with irksome caresses and wilting flowers along my way, so nailed to this past yearning for masochistic pleasures resorting to dire straits to want what wants. In absolute awe of his sinister majesty I search for a heart in all this confusion. I'm enthralled.

someone like you by sarah dessen

i watched "closer" yesterday... and this morning i watched "how to deal"... both great movies i might add..

what made the movies oh so great was how much i could relate to both of they.. i mean i could talk about it for hours.. but i won't... and i need to get stuff done.. so i wont waste ur time.. but it has got me thinking.. i havent swallowed ll the dialogue but i will.. and when i do.. my mind will be clearer instead of the mushy state that it seems to be in.

i would , i will.. for always - prodigal son

To change the world,
to hide you from the cruelness of its reaches
If only I knew how
to listen, though you turn a cold shoulder
and cry because you do not understand
though your ignorance precedes me
my faith in you will never faulter
for the blood that flow through your veins,
are one and the same.
and though i watch you fall to pieces
I pray for strength to leave it in greater hands
doing all i can to give you roots,
and grant you wings
you dream of grandeur and material things
but absolutes, I are laid before you
still you shun me, shout and shame
my heart aches for you, I worry..
but all I can do is wait
for the winds to blow over
and pray you and I survive the test of time
in my eyes you are forever precious
I love you, the monster you have become.

have you forgotten my labour of love?

esp dedicated to one little boy who doesn't particularly appreaciate his mommy and his family in general...
to you: "love your neighbor as you love yourself", love your friends and family, as you would fear God.

doubt you'll ever read this.. but i saw something of your's and it made me really sad..

the longest 2 weeks of my life

yup yup! the last 2 weeks were really gross to say the least.

friday
It started off with me realising that the term break was around the corner... that meant holiday..!! but the thing is, that i havent been doing much work to begin with. so i went to check up on all my assignment and to my HORROR they were all due this week. In total i had 1 mid-term exam, 1 presentation,2 essays,1 survey plus analysis. 5 project size workloads in a week!! compared to the amt of work i do a week on a usual basis.. this was like an elephant squishing me and stubbing me out like a cigarette. i was crushed that my break was gonna be burned, but i guess i deserved it after all the slacking i've been doing lately. So what the hell.. i stucked it up and got down to work on my assignments.i actually thot that i had 1 more south asian studies essay to do but phew.. the deadline is next month not this month..

so all in all..
saturday
met the rovers ppl again for a day of "tenderfoot" our crazy foot race to complete the rovers magazine but monday.. which humanly wasnt possible but everyone was being positive.. then a nite of "leisurely" night cycling which almost cracked my butt!!!

sunday
got home at 7 in the morning.. slept an lour and made it to mass which i'm real proud of..

monday-thursday
was a blurr of reading up for my essays and mid term papers.. presentation .. meeting fel n sx.. cos she's leaving again...
mommy got really scared she never seen me do actual studying ever!!(maybe since Os) so she was shocked she was scratching her head at how uch work that i had to do.. n the amt of sleep that i've been having... she told my daddy that i no longer slept, i took naps.. which was true for the entire week the longest i've slept in a stretch is 4 hours..

friday
i finished my philo essay on friday 3 days before the deadline.. but i don think i'm going to score cos i wrote most of it out of point.. but what the heck i was too lazy to redo it.. n i know nuts about philosphy afterall i havent been attending lectures.. hehe.. rachel can attest to that.

sunday
sobz.. fel left for melbourne, i real low for me...

monday
my hectic sch day.. if you dun already know.. i had this brilliant idea to crap all my sch days into a 2 day work week.. so mu mondays are from 8-6 with my only break at 11-12.. n even then that day i had a meeting with my project mates.

tuesday
the readings for the presentations were a killer.. but deb n siti were a great help.. i screwed up the presentation cos i was too cold to think.. n sleep deprived

the mid- term exam 2 hours after my presentaton was quite sad.. considering i didnt even bother studying for it.. i read through the lect notes skim 2 outta 10 of my readings and off to exam i went.. so it'll be a miracle to do well.. but i dont think i'm that much of an idiot to fail lah...

wed
i began my second essay on wed.. n finished it off by 2 on thursday... the words folwed surpisingly easily.. one of the easiest papers i've written so far.. hmm.. but wait.. last sem i didnt even have to write any papers.. hehe (due thurs midnight)

thursday
and then i rushed off to do my most dreaded assignment the survey with grandpa.. the respndant must be at least 60 years old you see.. how many 60 yr olds do you know.?? he was kinda helpful but i regret not asking grandma instead.. so i took the nite off for the ij CHIJLL OUT @ ZOUK... and continued on friday

i do agree its cutting it a tad too close but what to do.. i'm by nature a last minute worker.

friday
i woke up early to complete my survey analysis by 5.. but i still procrastinated.. n after a whole load of bull shitting, i finished it at 5.30pm which was okay.. they only specified that i need to submit it by 4th march.. so i rushed down by cab.. to mark my 2 week stinge as a mugger.

its party time!!!

fallen

Trust completely till, lone gardenia
withers and fades a pale yellow,
fleeting memorys of angst, loneliness, naivety
crack of dawn, so it raining outside
what does it matter, wallow and be misery
confused, angry, sad, forgotton
till i lose sight of the ground
nothing but the rain
beating hard against your beautiful face
lost in the yellowed light of that street corner
pathetic huh?
but that hat i'm feeling now
kinda numb, kinda blessed
tired and really crying inside
because its as if everyone doesn't understand
but they do, smiling
its late morning
and all i think about
what to wear?, is far far away
do i stop, no it cuts too deep
so who is right? do i care?
cos if i did.. i lose my trust...