I come to you for solace, a rebel with a cause. An aching feeling of longing, a wish, a hope a clause. I miss and yearn but know not what a time so long a distant forgotten. A worry that when and if I do possess that I may run and wilt and asunder. I seek an expectation, on that I think I may not attain, and in this I leave so lonely so lost but who is to blame. Today i'm feeling that I could never be happy in a relationship, I do not know how without feeling like I would disappoint my parents. I have made so many mistakes that I think that it I feel I can never ever come back from this. I mean E more than anybody I have ever met checks all my boxes and adores me. And despite that something so small trips me up and send me packing. I ought to be punished with loneliness for the rest of my life. I get moments where I think that if I spent my life with E that maybe that would be enough. You know out of all the photos I'd pick that one both sullen and that mark my feelings for him. Muted, understated, content. long walks, museums and dances, comedies and plays,travel and knowledge. Cuddles. Urgh how I hate myself when I get this feeling that why can't I be content.