i think the only thing I consistently do is push people away. And God do I have to learn to keep. That flaws and I must learn to love and accept wholeheartedly like how I do my friends and loved ones.

It not about wanting what I can't have, it about having something good and still not being satisfied. What the hell is wrong with me. Its not regret I am feeling, just a fear that I am incapable of a relationship I hope for. Because its not other people that are the problem here. The error lies with me.

Now what is there to do?

love fervently and completely. Accept, flaws and all. Be present. Be committed. And listen to your instincts not not just your brain.

man, there are somethings I do regret about E though, like how I wished I could have given it more time. But I felt that there was so much that was rushed and that in that a few red flag flew.

sometimes I wonder if I possess the qualities needed,
to be, to love, to stay, to tolerate.
I wonder is my expectation insatiable.
that my capacity to be happy, clouded by my greed

I just hope that love strikes me, that I be brave
and that I be present in that moment
till it falls away
to cradle it close and no be embarrassed by what others think
and remember to put myself ahead in this equation