adieu.
past.
credits.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2010!
1:11 AM
I'm in the lobby of the Singasara enjoying the songs and piano playing of the coaches.. it feels like Christmas once again.
camp has ended, like a whirlwind, before I knew it.. its ended..
With each camp, I learn new things about myself. I've always wanted all these amazing things to happen to me. And I did not realised that it has been happening to me all this while and now on the other end of the looking glass, I fully appreciate it all... I can't wait to finish the next chapter of my life. There are so many first that I can look forward to and it starts now.. or its been happening to me.. and I can only imagine that it will keep happening :)
Have a blessed new year!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
12:19 PM
Can you imagine that Xmas has barely passed and while chilling at Brewerkz yesterday evening some of the girls were lamenting that CNY '10 falls on V day.. I guess when you plan on celebrating it, its a big thing lah...
And as we were heading off our separate way.. Don felt I really shouldn't rain on their parade. And then the next sentence just really headed me in a different direction.. "It's not like you girls can get one if you wanted"
Friday, December 25, 2009
Beautiful memories
5:40 PM
Today I invited the girls for lunch, just chatting and chatting up with the people I love. That is what is most important :)
Great food and the people you love!
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Yesterday's dinner was as good as every other X'mas eve dinner, plus a tandoori turkey!! Dinner was warm and food was scrumptious. After dinner I hosted a party game which turned out to be DA BOMB!! It was so much fun. I hope they had fun participating as I did conducting it.. The highlight was when everyone stood up and started dancing together!!!
Merry Christmas everyone, Happy Holiday! God Bless!
looking at love
5:11 PM
After talking to Kenneth yesterday, I've got a better grasp on how I am feeling and what should be really important in a relationship. I guess its been some time.
In other areas of my life, things have come together. But with love, I'm still grappling. Max asked me the strangest question about my sexuality. And I had to ask, why would he ask such a thing.. And I figure its because I'm such a feminist. It is true to a fault that if I could do it myself I would not ask a guy for help. I guess it stems for a need to show my worth to the world and not be one of those "useless" women.
And that, amongst other reasons is why I do not flirt or rely on men. I have seen how it has unintentionally caused hurt. And I would never wish that on anyone. I have watched girls get what they want, and get a guy wrapped around their little finger. I just think that's not the way to do it and maybe I've over compensated. I mean this balancing act is tough k...
It would be really nice to ask the guy for help, just because I just want to spend time with him. Lean on his shoulder when I need a break, or ask for a hug. But I do not want to be perceived as reliant and hopelessly dumb, or seem too forward.. but strangely guys seem to like the whole damsel in distress act. ehh.
It was like learning that I could get away with just about anything by pouting. Gosh.. I remember that vividly.. that was the funniest thing.. but I milked it for all it was worth *wink
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Just a couple of days before, I told Ariel the same thing I said to Kenneth. And they both asked me the SAME question. And i did not have a good answer. That speaks a lot for the truth. And speaks a lot about what I is truly important in life.
And if all else fails.. Kenneth and I have each other.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
9:45 PM
All I want for christmas...
1.A pillows for my bean bag corner
2.A kino card
3.A CD rack i bet there is one lying around at house
4.Strings for my guitar
5.Work bag, mine is dying
6.noise canceling headphones
7.Buy myself a new phone
Saturday, December 12, 2009
2:27 PM
Hey all,
I've been back a week and I miss everyone. Been not so sorta busy, but have been spending time in the office of course.
I figure that I should gather us all for something quaint. I think I'm totally past the getting sloshed stage, will have drinks of course.. just not until someone gets slumped in the shower and people sprawled everywhere. Its a pity though that I'd be away the last 2 weeks of the year, those are always the best times to throw parties.
If you are wondering New Zealand was fab! It was not a leisure trip, I got a lot of family bonding, sightseeing, educated in the finer ways of the world. But I did not come back refreshed... not to mention that the things that unfolded as I returned did not help.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
12:08 AM
I'm back from my break fresh and ready to start things going
first on the list though...
there are so many things that run through my head about this topic, how do I feel, what is my stand and where do I fall in the whole scheme of things.
I watch my thoughts yo-yo from camp to camp, then do a total 180.
I can't do this, eggs the voice in my head. But I now know better.
With all that said, I am back where are started, considered all the options but am none the wiser. All I know is what I do not want. But that is far from satisfactory.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
when it hits you
11:35 AM
i spent the last hour listening, to questions that I did not know the answers
listening to the pangs and strains with each inflection
and it made me think of my demons, maybe they ain't so
but it also made me think of all the reasons that I chose to run
we were different and there was nothing wrong
and even after so, I knew it all along
it was the easy answers that took me by surprise
I should have guess it's true, then taking them for lies
It's been to long and I barely remember why and how or what
I can't remember the reasons or how it came to past
I do remember one time when I held my breath and thought
this may just be the most simple thing I lost.
And though time has past and idol ism has crept and tainted those times
I yearn for something in the future more sublime
that may not be the same in whys and hows or whats
but tells the story of a love not lost but got
things are changing
10:04 AM
with POE and work building up
it comes as no surprise that I feel kind of distant from the life that I'd come to find familiar. I notice that the next months will see lots of adjustments as my last bunch of friends enter the workforce and I'm left with even fewer people who share the lovely flexi work hours that I appreciate.
I going to be stuck with lots of afternoon watching the orchard crowd hasten by, my hope is that till then I'd have people who could stop and appreciate those moments.
Bernice, its your turn to enter the working world and I hope it has kinder on you. I understand that its tough, but its only a matter of finding your grove. Know that you'll always have me to bitch to if anything were ever to go wrong and that sometimes you have to give it a chance to worm its way to your soul.
