Why don't I love you, like you so opening love me and when you hold me why do I feel guilt. And all this time I asked for someone just like you. I think its the world's way of saying that I'm a fool. I want to give you all of me and yet fears and jeers make me flee. All I wished for, hoped and dream. Leaning in and in betweens. I walked that path with you arms embraces and interlaced, but yet in all this my woes abound that I can't love you the way you deserve. I no longer can tell if its because I can't or don't want or do but allow not. Wishful thinking for wholeness and cause for celebration. But all I end up doing is tear and fear and I find myself pushing you away. So far away so that I can feel safe. But alone. I wish that safety does not mean that I have to be alone. I wished that I fully understand and feel comforted by trust and belonging. That security is not something that will constantly keep me on my toes. I hope that I will hold on tight and never let go. That I would not wonder or get flustered by what others think of me. And roll and lean as the breeze bends the trees. And no matter what be planted firmly to the ground and know that no one can ever take that away. And even if they try or they accidentally unearth your vulnerabilities tell them, stand your ground and let them come to you. I promised E that I will deal with all of me, the running away and not being able to commit. This is not the first time, but it will be the last. I need to listen to my heart and not my head.