Valentine's Day draws near..

and I took the time to read where I've been for the last 5 Feb 14s.

Most were happy, some lingered on campilicated drama past. I'm glad to be out of the limelight. I got down to reading the other post that came along with it. Gosh I lost count of the number of times I called myself a depressing cow.. OK so those weren't my exact words, but besides the grizzly spelling mistakes, I was a really depressing soul. I still am from time to time, but I've come to embrace and love singlehood and love the shoes I'm in. I might not be gorgeous or charismatic. But it all I've got and I love ME!

I've come to learn that me, my beingness, personality or possibly lack there of is the cornerstone of any relationship. I had forgetton that I was angry at my family. Its quite puzzling to look back on all those post and wonder "did I really write that?" .

About relationship I had been so broody and yes! ocassionally there was some appreaciation but it always came with a hint of putting myself down. Gosh was I all mixed up. So when I find someone to spend my life with, there is no reason to doubt my capabilities or commitment and to live and appreaciate each extra day that I'm given. I totally need to stop second guessing or fretting about what the other thinks. It drives everyone, myself included bonkers.

As much as I think celebrations like valentine's day is a social construct brought about by capitialistic intentions to achieve materialistic mean. I'm also a romantic at heart. Its annoying that flowers cost as much as jewellry, none of which is as important as the person that you spend valentine's day with. But if you asked me how I feel about Vday, on a more personal note its about regret, change and hope for the future all mixed up and baked into a yummy cake. All that has happened in retrospect will not matter, cos when the good times roll, it'll all be called "past". I'm not waiting of a knight in shining amour on a white horse, nor am I looking for it in the first place don't be mistaken. Singlehood for now is doing me just fine ThankYou! From time to time I still wish that I had a shoulder to lie on, watch a late movie with.. that'll be nice. but that's all.

So Taylor Swift's song sums it all up really nicely, the hope for someone to spend time with and fear, sadness and sometimes loneliness in between that comes as one big package .. called a relationship. I know now it need not be so complicated. But till I write my own story, this is the story that'll keep running in my head.