i'd be honest, and tell you that I have been very fussy about the people I would like to date, till it came to a point where I can't really give a shit. And either way, I have people coming up to me saying what I should and should not do. I know that I have made mistakes in my past and those were my mistakes and thus having to live with them have been trying to say the least. Now on top of grieving over those bad choices, I often live with the what ifs. I know that when I think ahead of time, in anticipation of the problems, it to prevent me from hurting. But I am a point where I feel so numb, devoid of regular emotions that fucked up is pretty damn good an emotion to feel. Well, at least you are feeling right. Its working. My heart.. its still there. However those, battered, bruised. But still there.

So instead of being guarded, I figure,roll with the punches, but that aint right either I suppose. Because I think if I continue with that I am going to fucking get into too much dirt I do not really want to deal with. Then where does that leave me? somewhere in the inbetween I suppose.

You know, those stories that you'll know it when you see, hear, feel it.. they are all bullshit. And I believe that people can smell a nut case from miles away.

All I like, is 3 days where I do not feel like I am on the verge of tears. 3 days that the sun shines, the day doesnt have to go perfect. but things work out for the best and maybe the underdog get to taste sweet victory.

my victry today is that I no longer miss anyone, my victory is that today i know who my friends are, my victory today is that i take care of myself and support is always readily available.

little by little..