looking at love

After talking to Kenneth yesterday, I've got a better grasp on how I am feeling and what should be really important in a relationship. I guess its been some time.

In other areas of my life, things have come together. But with love, I'm still grappling. Max asked me the strangest question about my sexuality. And I had to ask, why would he ask such a thing.. And I figure its because I'm such a feminist. It is true to a fault that if I could do it myself I would not ask a guy for help. I guess it stems for a need to show my worth to the world and not be one of those "useless" women.

And that, amongst other reasons is why I do not flirt or rely on men. I have seen how it has unintentionally caused hurt. And I would never wish that on anyone. I have watched girls get what they want, and get a guy wrapped around their little finger. I just think that's not the way to do it and maybe I've over compensated. I mean this balancing act is tough k...

It would be really nice to ask the guy for help, just because I just want to spend time with him. Lean on his shoulder when I need a break, or ask for a hug. But I do not want to be perceived as reliant and hopelessly dumb, or seem too forward.. but strangely guys seem to like the whole damsel in distress act. ehh.

It was like learning that I could get away with just about anything by pouting. Gosh.. I remember that vividly.. that was the funniest thing.. but I milked it for all it was worth *wink


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Just a couple of days before, I told Ariel the same thing I said to Kenneth. And they both asked me the SAME question. And i did not have a good answer. That speaks a lot for the truth. And speaks a lot about what I is truly important in life.

And if all else fails.. Kenneth and I have each other.