ugly

I know and yet I dont...
am I too stubborn to admit what is true..

As I listened to if on the radio this morning... I smiled..
then got rudely shocked back to reality..
Seems I've had to do a lot of that lately..

it's been along time, but I feel that I'm sucked into a time warp

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walking the length of time
sharing shadows with a stranger
miming the actions of social normality
living a bloody fucking lie
crying for things spilts
longing to screw up big time
maybe making it really hurt would give
a worthwhile excuse to die...
to hide behind another lie
its in this darkness that comfort stands
and in this comfort feeds insecurity
its about feeling broken
hearing it ever and over
till its part of muscle memory
walk with that slump
speak with that lisp of degredation
bask in worthlessness


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my prayer for myself.. that I might someday soon write something positive for a change... my baby steps towards positivity...