to drew

so I must keep it sweet and honest and truthful, not coated in deceit and confusion. I'll do my best.

So i'm reeling from a proposal to attend the landmark preview. i often forget that I work in this line as well, like I said yesterday that I've become really numb to just about everything. Going to these trainings is like a drug, which one can give me an emotional breakthrough, my next high.

Today I'm still feeling numb all over, its been a long time since I've done anything useful with my life. All I do is go to work or laze at home; oh! the emotional drudgery. and now I'm force to turn my thoughts on spin dry and decide if I want an emotional connection. I'm watching the making of star wars and I'm asked to write down my fears I face now. Its not what I want to do right now, not remotely in the right frame of mind.

But anyway I did take some time to see if I had anything to write.

In my book there are a few phrases that are very taboo...

I'm trying.. because that won't cut it
I understand where you are coming from... cos if you did we wouldnt need a conversationlike this
no one can understand the way I feel except myself.
I know you are... you dont have to tell me, because I would know better than you would
but... because it cancels everything you said a moment ago.


and when things like this is said to me repeatedly I cant help but be pissed.

its not that i do not want an emotional relationship, I do not think that an emotional relationship is possible with you. I'm numb to the promise that we can get better, reason being i've shut it out. the reason why you dont seem to feel anything from me, is cos there is nothing to feel. YOU MIGHT SAY THAT I'M SETTLING FOR LESS, but basically, this is how i've been feeling, that empty feeling that you want to fill right now.. I've blocked it all out.