why do i?

i keep thinking maybe..
but i know that its caused by something deeper
i can't help but let these images flood my mind
and though i deny them they are ever present
to want and deny it all at once
i thought this couldn't happen
now i'm tearing at my seams and though i have everything
i still feel unwhole
I'm at a loss for words and a prisoner of my anxieties
i wonder if its the stress
or am i just acting up
but looking at the cirumstance
maybe there is more to it than meets the eye

i feel undeserving
burdened, jaded
I'm told its physically minisfested
in the yellow of my skin
i want to cry, but i find no need for tears
i want to hold on
but to what exactly.