To the importance of Security

Now that I am in my twenties, and boys have become a matter of everyday life. My most commonly asked question, is .. "seeing anyone.."

I watch friends and acquaintances fall in and out of relationships, and keep asking myself.. "Why can'tI do that too.." I do not want to, I do not really know how my weak heart could take it. But what keeps nagging at me is, "what if I don't.. " Does it mean that I am destined to commit to whoever, forever because I cannot see myself dating for the heck of it. Can I even treat a relationship so lightly. As usual,I'm guessing I am over thinking the situation.

So assuming, as usual, I am over thinking the situation. Let's slow it down. Go with the flow. And allow myself to date someone that I feel comfortable taking that next step with. Hmm. I wish it was just that simple. And everytime I think it could be that easy, a little voice inside my head ask me, could this person offer you the security that you so desperately desire.

I know strictly speaking that security is earn through self. And if you/ yourself are not able to feel secure, seeking security from external factors cannot possibly lead you to the answer you so seek. I feel secure. safe. I do. But can someone assure me that this relationship can stand the test of time, weather the societal storm. Most of the time, my answer to that falls short of a yes.

But then again, that could be just an unattainable load of bull crap that I have set myself up to fail for. I mean, this question, just liek the other question that I ask myself on a constant are focused on the flaws. Yet when I miss someone, think about someone, my thought are always focused on the good stuff.


A bunch of uswere having dinner yesterday, and I do agree with what they were saying. I wouldn't go as far to say that I don't want to get married or have kids, but I do agree that its hard to meet people. And it makes me feel like giving up on dating all together.