My reason, My excuse

I don't know which is which anymore
maybe on some level, I actually crave that attention
but i think that is just dumb.

I mean, I'm tired, I'm triggered to cry
so does it mean anything at all?

I stop myself from doing things that I Know are important
like my assignment that has been idle on my desktop.

I'm hating the person I am while I take the bus rides home
I feel so torn, I utter I hate you under my breath
who is it meant for, is a puzzlement
sometimes I'm sure its myself, other times I can't be certain

i can't even tell you if I am happy,yea i guess i am
yea, i guess I'm not

i just get this numb feeling that whatever I do is going to hurt myself
whatever I want doesnt have a simple answer
what ever I need is simply not clear
whatever happens I just have to deal
whatever the outcomes I will wither to bits

what ever the end, it not soon enough


i need to leave no to take catherine to buy things and go to the bank
can I even say no
i've got 1 major assignment due last saturday
and I am only 2 paragraphs in
i dont think there will ever come a time that I put work before everything else
maybe its me, maybe its the people i live with, breathe with, love with.