second star to the right

i find it strange that i'll never understand the state i'm in, never fully understand myself and the decisions that i make. And with each passing day my bold lines blur into a mesh of swirling colours and all that i stand for crumbles. the walls i've built and the foundation on which it stands staggers under the weight of those decisions. and though its demise might be a welcome sacrifice, demolishing the creed with which i've been moulded leaves me shaking. I fear change and i am left vulnerable to the elements of selfishness and hate. As i become expose to its toxicity i wither away, becomng more down with life, cynical and irked. Why must you change??