of course I am worried, how my life would turn out.

However my focus needs to be on what I can do.

Hanging out with Minsi and Cheryl is always a pleasure, Cheryl always comes up with the coolest things to talk about. Philosophical topics about life, love, marriage and dating..

Cheryl says.. and I dont think this is a complement.. that she cannot read me. I mean we talked about the people in our lives and we knew "them" why they do the things they do; their "model of the world".

there seems to be too many permutations to how I would react to something.

I guess I like to keep people guessing??

I know its one of the things that drove people crazy when they date me.. One minute we could be fine and then I would re-categorize or in my crazy moments and jump the gun, thus finding an excuse to bail.

The movie yesterday struck a cord, and I have been so blessed in my life to have had so many people who loved me. I'm suffering the consequences of having pushed them all away.

I am most afraid that I haven't learnt my lesson, and when I put the peddle to the metal I might choose a fight or flight response.

Right now, I have come to accept these faults of mine, hopefully I am well on my way to correcting my ways.