It means nothing - Stereophonics

While reading my old post, I learnt a lot about me. And I realised that I wasn't as jaded as I thought. Just paranoid and with a bad case of teenager.

Today, a bunch of teenage boys asked. Do you have a boyfriend? Why don't you have one? It'll just complicate my life was my reply. And though I don't believe that is true, it keeps them quiet.

Thinking about the last message I sent you, and knowing full well that you've seen it and chosen not to reply.. that really got me thinking.

Conclusion, this whole time, I have been really selfish. All I wanted was things to mellow out.. by that I mean, we are back on talking terms, by that, I meant friends. And all those were my "terms". I know it takes both people to create a conversation.

and had I took a step back, I would have, should have seen it all along.. You have NO intention with keeping in contact. How could I have been so blind. Sure you'll humour me once in awhile. But.. I should have seen it.. I guess I was trying so hard to fix a circle in a square peg I lost track of the purpose in the first place.

I now know how hard it must have been to write that message to warn me. How difficult it must have been. I appreciate you for being that friend, to tell me the things, the ugly things that sometimes even I don't want to fess up to. When all you wanted was to never speak to me again.

I respect that.

More than anything, the last month has shown me that you've fallen safely into someone else's life and no lasting damage was done *phew. I don't know.. seeing you happy, makes me feel at peace with my juvenile ways. I assure you. and me. I have learnt so much from the last 6 years.

In this last month, I don't know how to explain it, but it's like a shroud has been lifted, my mind cleared. I am no longer bogged, or haunted. And it's like "where have I been all this time"

You've shown me that love can be really spontaneous in its simple pleasures. That gifts need only come from the heart. That there is pleasure in the chasing, everything else should be kept simple and to a bare minimum. I'll keep that in mind. And most of all, that its okay to let your heart break, but when the right one comes along, and it eventually does, to hold on.. because everyone needs to come up for air. And when that happens grab it, hold on, stick to your guns and never give up without a fight.

it's finally a goodbye.

and I am excited about what the future has in-store.