I feel so..

I realise the hypocrisy that I torment myself with daily...
For all the horid things that I have done, I have come to terms with it and counted on the power of forgiveness to carry me through the rest of my life, however I do not honour the same priviledge on people that have done like I have. And yet I live the certainly that though I have wronged this life, that all is well, life goes on as it should...

I spend too much time hiding in a hole wondering why other people are happy and its not me. Silly but true. Why do I keep wondering when it is my turn to shine, why is it that I envy everyone around me. At the friends they have, the places they have been and the things that they have done. I have not once stopped to appreciate what I have, the good things that I possess and have donw with my life...

I give myself the lame excuse that I am gawky, misfit.. always uncomfortable, from the outside looking in... But for some reason, secret wish that I was confident, waiting for a good excuse to let me have my turn at confidence. I know that it's all in my head.. and yet sometimes I fail to shake it this feeling that I am cut out to fail..

I worry about many things.. many of which are unlikely to happen, if I did not attract them to me... I commit only enough to not get hurt, but in advertently, from not commiting completely hurt myself... Then I wonder why is it that I did not get the intended outcome..

I am not going to let this happen anymore...
my goal... to be My Best! :)
I'll work hardest.. n We'll see how that goes...