fuck over

i've woken each morning with tears in my eyes, i'm confused and terrified because as each moment i inch closer into the unknown. I think its a silly thing to do, but i want to walk it alone. no helmet, no safety net. i think itsonly fair that i push all my loved ones away because i don't need that kind of support. it'll just mean that i'm weak just like everyone else. i don't want that. but right now this seems the logical thing to do. i'm so unhappy now, so this is my paradigm shift.. that everyone should get away from me. that way they will never get hurt, i'll never get tired frustrated and so will they. i simly have no more energy to carry on like i am. and hell no do i want others to follow.. so get the fucking hell lost.!

i hate my life now, at least many aspects of it... i never see my family in the daylight.. the fact i'm home this morning is cos i had to ditch church, lynn's tuition and the CACFOC outing to sentosa... i need the energy for the rovers camp i need to be at 100 %...thats not the point i hate my life.. icant wait for sch to start.. that way everyone would be too busy to care about me.. man that would be fucking great. i count down the days...