hun fan... u noe bothered.. erh.. yea.. its in chinese...

the exams are in 3 weeks.. and i'm totally unprepared.. n worst.. not doing anything about it.. jus too lazy to study.. beah i dun believe this..

basically i'm at war with myself.. cos i dont like the person that i am.. i wanna be happy cheeriy.. nice to ppl .. approachable.. u noe.. never quite been like that.. i get jeal;ous of ppl like that.. those who clique with ppl easily.. n ppl fall in love with.. u noe.. jus adore their personality.. i wanna be like them..

i know.. a cant be like that.. u jus have to be yourself.. its just that i get so envious of peeps like that.. it simply annoys me..

i'm not happy.. cos i think it would be so perfect to be just like them.. but its hard..its tiring to keep smiling all the time.. to be friendly.. and as much as i try to be like them.. there seem to be this barrier that doesnt allow me to do so... don't quite know what it is.. it takes be ages to warm up to ppl.. plus i never quite clique the way the others do.. i dont know how to explain it.. its like i dont belong.. n you feel really alone even though everyone is in the middle of a heated discussion... i cant put my finger on it.. would someone pls tell me what it is?

and also there seems to be this barrier that hinders me from making new friends..
its probably jus me.. being paranoid.. but i dont noe.. i get it all the time..

i'm probably not making much sense to you... but yea..